Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had no choice but to use a porta potty. I was happy to get a clean one. I wasn't happy when a young child tried opening the door and used enough force to break the lock, showing me sitting on the toilet to the world. FML
Today, I had to pee really bad so I tried to unlock my door as fast as I could. I put my key in and turned it too hard, the key snapped inside. I ended up peeing on myself. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML
Today, as I stepped out the door and heard it lock behind me, I realized I had forgotten both my keys and my baby inside. There's no other way in. FML
Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML
Today, at work, I was on my break when I had to use the bathroom. I was on the toilet taking a dump when the door latch loosened and the door swung open. The little girl standing there took one look and screamed. Security busted in. My pants were still down. FML
Today, we got new doors fitted. There were new locks on the bathroom, to the reluctance of my mother, who thought one of us would lock ourselves in. "Only an idiot would lock themselves in," I said, and shut the door to demonstrate. I locked myself in. FML
Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML
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Top comments
brianjman14 23
I'm not sure about this, but can a two year old even reach the doorknob on the door? And if it could, why not got those things that you have to squeeze in order to turn the doorknob? (I'm not sure what they are, I just saw them at my uncle's house. They're safety doorknob something?)
firegirl1993 21
plans that seem good at the time...them end up being horrible XD
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Comments (155)
gbuddylax 0
I think you deserved it
vbmg152 19
FAIL!!
SmelloJello 9
That STINKS. Ha. Ha. Stanky stank.
mx_17 0
wellllll.....imma let you finish, but I got one of the best babys of all time... just throwing that out there.
alpha_female 0
Maybe you should actually watch your child...
khaya 9
Your worse than a two year old.
buster109 3
hint... when they are quiet, there into something go check on them! how are they going to learn to use the potty when you shit your pants! lmao
lilmizzhuh 0
sorry but u cant watch a kid 24/7.plus, at 2 they are very sneaky..how is that bad parenting
Pengu1n 0
YDI for being out of the kitchen
ebro47 0
okay if you're old enough to have a kid you should be old enough to hold it until you get to the potty. pathetic. ydi