Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had no choice but to use a porta potty. I was happy to get a clean one. I wasn't happy when a young child tried opening the door and used enough force to break the lock, showing me sitting on the toilet to the world. FML
Today, I had to pee really bad so I tried to unlock my door as fast as I could. I put my key in and turned it too hard, the key snapped inside. I ended up peeing on myself. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML
Today, as I stepped out the door and heard it lock behind me, I realized I had forgotten both my keys and my baby inside. There's no other way in. FML
Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML
Today, at work, I was on my break when I had to use the bathroom. I was on the toilet taking a dump when the door latch loosened and the door swung open. The little girl standing there took one look and screamed. Security busted in. My pants were still down. FML
Today, we got new doors fitted. There were new locks on the bathroom, to the reluctance of my mother, who thought one of us would lock ourselves in. "Only an idiot would lock themselves in," I said, and shut the door to demonstrate. I locked myself in. FML
Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
brianjman14 23
I'm not sure about this, but can a two year old even reach the doorknob on the door? And if it could, why not got those things that you have to squeeze in order to turn the doorknob? (I'm not sure what they are, I just saw them at my uncle's house. They're safety doorknob something?)
firegirl1993 21
plans that seem good at the time...them end up being horrible XD
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (155)
kinga08 0
Can't you buy once of those gates that block children from stairways and put it into the doorway of your bathroom? I'm no baby expert but I'm sure there are better options than locking your bathroom. Sorry OP, now you're not only cleaning poopy diapers from your child, but your own poopy underwear as well!
monnanon 14
When my brother was a baby he could push the gate up from the bottom and crawl underneath no matter how tight it was on the stairs or in the doorways, they are however a good idea, just not fullproof. Knowing whats in a bathroom chemical wise i would rather lock my door than take the chance but I would get one of those latch things
Flipflops4ever 0
Why do children need to b potty-trained anyway? Let them b natural & in time they'll learn by imitating adults anyway. It's a perversion of Western Civilization that everything natural is somehow undesirable. Women had to wear corsets to achieve an unnatural shape. Men have to wear asphyxiating ties. even in summer sandals esp for men is a no-no. Dance rather than an expression of joy has become anorexic girls spinning on their toes. Music became that boring classical music (& despite what ppl I've met few who can name 1 piece by Beethoven or Mozart), fortunately Elvis saved it by combining elements of Black & Country music to create rock. Let the child n natural, there's nothing horrible abt it.
AngryGuitarist 0
I defy army red that
Flipflops4ever 0
But many classical music & dance lovers have a very snobbish attitude towards popular music & dance often b/c it's not as rigid & grammatical. Even the Beatles were regarded with disdain by the highbrows early on. But to come back to potty-training. In many cultures diapers (nappies) are rarely used, children instinctively learn those being around excrement is not pleasant...somehow they get potty-trained just fine, only without a potty-training regimen.
BestthangsmokiN 0
Elvis definitely didn't CREATE Rock N Roll, genius!
Necromal 2
indeed 74. 60 has some issues with music and what it means to other people.
sonangedemusique 2
#68: That is not true at all. I happen to be one of those "anorexic girls who dance spin on their toes", as well as a member of an orchestra...not only am I not anorexic, I love all types of music and dance. Some may be that way, but certainly not the majority.
leearm104 4
Wow I don't even know where to start with this... Elvis created rock, really? I bet you have terrible tastes in music.
ebro47 0
oh my god. we potty train because this isn't la-la land (or wherever it is you're from) and how fun is it to wipe shit off a kid?! the sooner they learn to do it themselves the better. what kind of world would this be if everyone just did whatever they felt like doing? itd be total chaos.
ebro47 0
yah, I don't know why we don't just forget the whole education thing too and just let kids figure out arithmetic and how to read and write the "natural" way
monnanon 14
We potty train kids but we wait until they are ready. Many are copying the motions but need help by the time potty training begins. As for the natural way even a cat shows its kittens where the litter tray is. It is 'natural' for us to teach our kids how to go to the bathroom, how to eat with a knife and fork or spoon and how to dress themselves. If we all went the natural way our kids would not be clothed either or would be at school with their clothes on backwards.
jdengel 0
a two year old can reach the knob, but op should have just child proofed it, or taught your child not to go in there
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
ur two year olds not the only one who needs diapers xD
jess6blondie9 3
Use Depends. That way, when you are about to burst, they got your back:)
Prankster7o7 5
Hahaha, nice one.
jess6blondie9 3
Haha thanks :)
leearm104 4
Damn what a dumbass.
perdix 31
Aw, that's cute ... the mother and child can potty train together. "Super Duper Pooper" is an excellent video, but I hope you two won't fight over the stickers you get when you successfully use the toilet. I hope, for your husband's sake, that you start to earn stickers soon.
JGoD24 5
YDI. teach your son better.
batgirl_babygirl 0
um baby gate? child proof door knob?
X_o_X_ocutie 0
not cleaning up a mess my ass oh actually it's yours