Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML
Today, I got mugged at work. The sad thing is I'm a cop and was trying to catch the people who mugged me previously while off duty. FML
Today, I'm at work as a security guard. At a morgue. Why am I here? FML
Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML
Today, I was security at a shopping centre and tried to stop a guy from drinking in public. He told me to fuck off and "go play cops and robbers somewhere else", so I tried to escort him to the security office. He picked me up with one hand and threw me in the fountain. My boss let him go with a warning. I hate my job. FML
Today, I went to start my new job, only to find out that the guy who hired me had no permission to do so. I had to fill out another application, and complete another interview and I still might not get the damn job. FML
Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML
Today, I was excited to start my new job. It was only when I was leaving after a long 8-hour day did I realize all of the personal documents I had I brought in for paperwork had been stolen. I'm now down a passport, social security card, and wallet. Great first day. FML
Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for six hours. FML
Today, my first day on the job, I locked up the office after everyone left and set the alarm. An hour later, my new boss angrily emailed me that I locked him inside the building, setting off the alarm and prompting the entire police department to show up. FML
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Top comments
grogers311 20
Bob & weave
chosha_fml 27
Might be time to invest in some Kevlar.
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Comments (106)
Flaming_Pandas 15
Oh no! Hopefully you can keep things in line over there until you get things figured out, OP!
IKickPuppiesHard 16
What company you working at? As an employee at Securities we usually only send armed guards to those shitty places but they get paid in giant bags of cash. If your unarmed and didn't ask to be relocated.....I'm so sorry.
drowningfishy 7
I work for that company to. I had a bored cop approach me while I was standing at a gate at night. He asked me if I carried a gun. I replied nope, should I? He responded back telling me we're the only posts in the area that were unarmed. Then he wished me good luck, and walked away. Knock on wood, but so far the only thing I have try and attack me are two 'coons. That company does not care about the safety of their guards. But if you are armed you do make a bit more money with securitas, but not much more anymore. I tell people just work at McDonalds you'll at least make better benefits for the crap you have to take.
njgohard 16
Take cover, aim center mass. And remember that a sucking chest wound is God's way of telling you to appreciate the finer things in life.
kinky44 28
2 to the chest, 1 to the head. Center mass is bullshit.
helobubba 13
Thank goodness it's not known for nonviolent shootings.
thevelociraptor 31
Really? You just stepped over the line.
GentlemanBastard 15
Yeah, wouldn't want to get caught in the crossfire of a super soaker batle!
iLike2Teabag 27
"I'm so sorry aboot shooting you, eh? I was aiming for the moose."
PoisonOrchid 21
Hahaha best comment on this entire post.
ethan_unoxx 29
sorry OP. and good luck
zah2an724 23
Just quit
Grandmastasexy 14
I know how you feel (im leaving for the marines)
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Thank you for serving, #22.
Vitotaylor36 13
Why are you two getting down voted???
MrDonSalvetti 27
You wanted that job, now show us your balls, go there and beat the hell out of those troublemakers! I know it, you know, we all know it, you can do this! C'mon Dude!
Nyarlothatep 12
Are you working as an armed or unarmed security officer? If the latter, I recommend getting an OCW or CCW for on the job, just in case.
detectivedipsiht 12
your paycheck better be damm good!