Today, I visited with my cousin on her deathbed. When I asked what she was doing, they replied that she was sleeping. Next thing out my mouth without thinking was, "She can sleep when she's dead." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to console my cousin because I'd heard that her dog had passed away. As I opened the door, the first thing I saw was her extremely old and feeble (but still very much alive) dog. Turns out my friend was talking about HIS cousin, and I simply misheard. Trying to explain that to her was mighty awkward. FML
Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML
Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she'd been sleeping with him. FML
Today, while at my aunt's funeral, my grandma who has terrible memory loss asked me whose funeral we were at. I had to explain to her that her daughter had died. FML
Today, during my uncle's funeral, my four year old loudly asked, "Where's all the dead people?" FML
Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML
Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML
Today, a relative showed me a picture of her phone. I also saw a picture of her husband, a friend, sleeping. He looked like he was dead to the world. I asked, jokingly, "Why is there a picture of a dead guy on your phone?" Turns out it was her father, who is in the hospital, and dying any day now. FML
Today, I was working as a camp counselor helping a five year-old girl. I heard her mumble, "My grandpa is getting married on Saturday." I enthusiastically replied and told her how exciting that was! Only after did I realize that she'd said "buried." FML
Today, while at my job as a hairdresser, I was giving an elderly client a perm and I thought she'd fallen asleep. She'd died. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
Take a seat. You'll need it to put both your feet in your mouth.
RichardPencil 32
That is true. Soon, you’ll get to verify that.
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Comments (7)
BurnInDemonFire 39
Take a seat. You'll need it to put both your feet in your mouth.
RichardPencil 32
That is true. Soon, you’ll get to verify that.
LostSoul 20
My cousin and I would find the humor in this.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Not when they're dead!
LostSoul 20
But my cousin and I have almost died several times. We have lost a lot of people. We have talked about this. We want people joking with us until the end.
LostSoul 20
But my cousin and I have almost died several times. We have lost a lot of people. We have talked about this. We want people joking with us until the end.
Glitterbaby2613 20
only for people with a sense of humor 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Helmut Arias Rodriguez 21
We all make mistakes. Hopefully you learned a lesson here
Mathalamus 25
It's very hard to make mistakes that stupid.
Helmut Arias Rodriguez 21
That doesn’t mean we’ve never in our lives made one before
ViviMage 40
And people in hospice are often sedated or taking heavy pain killers. They can't really help that. But hey, I'd get up off my death bed, fist bump you, and then strangle you!
BurnInDemonFire 39
"Born separately, but they died together, we commit the bodies of ViviMage and (insert cousin's name here) to the Earth. Unfortunately, due to the circumstances of their deaths, both will spend eternity in the fiery pits of Hell. So long, suckers!"
BurnInDemonFire 39
"Born separately, but they died together, we commit the bodies of ViviMage and (insert cousin's name here) to the Earth. Unfortunately, due to the circumstances of their deaths, both will spend eternity in the fiery pits of Hell. So long, suckers!"
Chantalle Hensgens-Waltmans 19
Aaaand that’s why you should think before you speak.
Khalilsun28 11
Harsh or not, you spoke the truth.