Today, I witnessed my karate instructor whimper and practically piss himself as a guy walked up to him in the street and demanded his wallet. What a total waste of hundreds of dollars' worth of lessons. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at martial arts practice, a guest sensei wanted to teach me some "manners". He pinned me down and proceded to choke me while crushing my nuts with his hands and yelling at me in front of the whole class, "DOES THAT HURT?!!?" FML
Today, I found out that my mom withdrew me from karate at the insistence of my my fucking stepdad, who's a wimpy sissy pacifist who is against violence. I was so close to getting my black belt. FML
Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at Tae kwon do practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear." He did this in front of all my classmates. FML
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Today, in my karate dojo, I was being taught how to fall properly. My sensei instructed us not to fall with our hands out because it could sprain our wrists. As I was getting ready to help demonstrate a backwards break fall, I actually fell over. Guess where my hands went. FML
Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML
Today, my own dog bit me quite severely when I was in the middle of teaching a dog obedience class. Everyone had a good laugh at me and in the past few hours 4 of them have contacted me to let me know they won't be attending future lessons and that they'd like to get their money back. FML
Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML
Today, I was helping a 7 year-old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML
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Top comments
michiganfool32 9
Well go rob him for your money back. Apparently it's pretty easy.
simsimbeep 13
And you didn't do anything either....?
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Comments (50)
zwilliams753 9
Poor man
maximus_prime 24
Maybe the instructor is married and is used to someone demanding that he hand over his wallet.
brandoneyez1 25
Karate is not just about self defense. While it is good for self defense, one also learns lessons of discipline and honor. It also depends which form of karate you take.
Ravike 17
A good code to live by, never underestimate your opponent if you're not confident enough on taking him down its better to hand over the valuables than getting stab or worse over a few hundred bucks..
kendallfireHD 16
Sounds like you need a refund.
schhichick 14
Sounds like his teacher should learn Unagi
ColonelCusswords 24
Karate is a sport, you cant use it veey well if your in trouble. If you want to know how to defend yourself try krav maga
the_zero_article 15
Krav maga don't **** around
kate_themediocre 6
I take krav and taekwondo, and I've learned better self-defense in the few months I've been doing krav than I have in three years of taekwondo. Most martial arts are more of a sport than anything, but krav maga is the shit.
michiganfool32 9
Well go rob him for your money back. Apparently it's pretty easy.
simsimbeep 13
And you didn't do anything either....?
Itsjustaphase 8
I too am curious as to why OP didn't intervene, and I have no idea why you got down-voted for asking. Bad-ass karate instructor or not, you should still move to assist someone in need. A simple shout to distract the mugger might have been all that was necessary.
MandySnelly 4
I'm going to give OP the benefit of the doubt. he was probably shocked or scared of putting himself in a dangerous situation.He should have ATLEAST called the police.
Danne696 14
Looks like he paid close attention to his teacher's lessons.
Jjtacos 5
I was going to say the same thing,,,you just watched, as he got mugged??!?! How is this fml?? If anybody's life is ******, It's you're instructors.
tigerisabelle 31
Yeah, that was my question too. You just watched? What the **** is wrong with you? Did karate lessons take away your basic sense of human decency?
CurvyisCool 22
Doesn't mean he didn't teach you how to fight.
ChristianH39 30
What a lot of people don't realize is that there's an enormous difference between knowing how to fight somebody that also plans on using a martial art or otherwise fighting "fair,"and defending yourself against someone who's willing to bum rush you and stab you for your wallet. Unfortunately you don't have to be experienced in situations like that to teach "self defense" classes, as you can see
CurvyisCool 22
Good point.
Tthug 34
#15 Karate is about form and it's mostly a waste of time. It's not really self defense. Although it does teach you discipline and promote fitness. If you want to defend yourself in a fight, learn Krav Maga.
junkman6 22
Learning technique doesn't give people the ability to fight. Karate, jiu jitsu, Krav, savate, etc etc ad infinum. None of it matters if the person is too weak to throw a punch outside the training environment.
killerdana 19
I was robbed once too. I didn't know if he had a gun or not. I took self defense classes but there was no way in hell I was gonna try and fight him unless he attacked me and even then I don't know if I would've had the strength, I was shaking pretty bad
annarcheer 19
maybe it works for you.. not him
cole_tyler42 21
Do I smell a lawsuit?
foxwasalamb 24
nope, you dont
Mauskau 36
Nope not everything results in a lawsuit.
buckstop1 37
Hey, that could've been you being robbed if you were clise enough to witness that.
martin8337 36
I don't know if a gun was involved, but a gun wins over martial arts every time.
GlasgowSneer 13
Or, really, any weapon.
tiger8255 13
Except lasers. Nothing beats lasers.
NotAWalnut 9
Not always, if they're within reach a very skilled and experienced martial artist will usually be able to win out by taking advantage of the time the person with the gun needs to react.
ChristianH39 30
That is true, but anybody with a gun and half a brain probably isn't going to get within reach of a victim
junkman6 22
#36 you tell me anyone with half a brain that's using a gun to rob someone within sight of someone else. Most cops don't even know how to keep their guns out of arms reach of a criminal, you think some dumbass mugger knows how to keep out of arms reach? Highly unlikely.
ChristianH39 30
Police officers generally have to get close to apprehend a suspect, unless you know of handcuffs that can be applied from out of melee range. Secondly assuming muggers to be stupid/incapable because they're criminals could cost you your life, unfortunately experience can often trump intelligence. You need to remember a lot of criminals do so for a living.
Insertnamesz 3
Also remember if criminals are doing so for a living, they will NOT kill you. All they need is money and they'll move along. A good tip is to throw your wallet in one direction and sprint off in the other direction. Or simply if you know martial arts, keep in mind the person will most likely not shoot you, the gun is just for show.
GnaR_KiLL5150 12
You willing to bet your life on that?
GlasgowSneer 13
Well, I hope you put your skills that he or she taught you to the test, then.