Today, I received the gifts of my period, diarrhea, severe dizziness and double vision, and an ant infestation in my home. These were followed by the glaring absence of any gifts from my husband. Happy 40th to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my period has given to me 4 giant zits, 3 screaming shits, 2 stomach ulcers, and a fever blister on my lips. A few days until Christmas and the gifts keep coming. FML
Today, I started my period, complete with cramps, diarrhoea, a headache, bloating, and aching legs. Apparently my body didn't get the message that I had a total hysterectomy a month ago, including my ovaries, tubes and cervix. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My gifts were a stomach bug from my kid and a confession to a year-long affair from my (now soon-to-be-ex) husband of 21 years. Nobody even got me a card. FML
Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML
Today, it's my long-anticipated 21st birthday! Today also happens to be the first day of my period. I've spent the whole morning in the fetal position with agonizing cramps, reduced to tears, and whimpering while the painkiller refuses to kick in. Happy birthday! Love, my uterus. FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover, a shaved head, and my period. FML
Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML
Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML
Today, as usual, my period cramps got go bad that I can't eat or drink without taking a pain killer, and end up puking and passing out if I take a pain killer before I eat. Here's to 30 smooth years yet to come. FML
Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
You might want to visit your doctor and get yourself checked out. Once you're okay, remind your husband that he's a turd. Oh, and happy birthday! 40 is the new black. Or however that saying goes.
platinum9 16
Make sure you get yourself checked out! My mom had double vision issues and multiple problems that was due to a cranial nerve issue... make sure you look into it!
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Comments (16)
BurnInDemonFire 39
You might want to visit your doctor and get yourself checked out. Once you're okay, remind your husband that he's a turd. Oh, and happy birthday! 40 is the new black. Or however that saying goes.
emr1168 7
kobe...?
wanted_2_want 40
Most likely the husband’s going to want to have his “gift” regardless.
westoz 24
Oh wow that sounds horrific! Never knew you could get an ant infestation when you have your period!
RichardPencil 32
He was probably going to surprise you with some anal. I’ll bet he dropped the ant farm he bought you. Happy Bidet!
EnoshimaJunko 9
isnt the passing of time great 😂😂 happy 40th birthday, luv
platinum9 16
Make sure you get yourself checked out! My mom had double vision issues and multiple problems that was due to a cranial nerve issue... make sure you look into it!
real life problems 26
I will never understand how people have such horrible husbands or wives. You dont just forget stuff like this, they clearly dont love you and if you're just putting up with this kind of stuff, well its partly on you.
Charlie Given 28
I just turned 42 and got a knee surgery and nothing else for my birthday 😕
Kruxon 11
So the carpenter ants are kicking in everywhere I think..