Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend's family, and he was saying how well his driving lessons are going. During this conversation his mum told him to "stop blowing your own trumpet." He replied, "If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave him a high-five. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend to stop criticizing my son for his table manners. He said, "It's man things, you wouldn't understand." He acted surprised when I blew my top and told him to leave. FML
Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML
Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing, "If You're Happy and You Know It." My mom joined in. They sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend he is good at singing. Now he won't stop. FML
Today, I had to explain to my mother that it's inappropriate to hit on my boyfriend when his parents are over for dinner. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mattjamt 16
Most of the major musicians have multiple trumpets to choose from, if you know what I'm saying.
perdix 31
I don't know what you are saying. Are you saying that major musicians have multiple penises? Or, they have multiple people to give ******** to? I doubt you have to be a major musician to find people to accept your ********.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (118)
olpally 33
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Hahahaha, that's epic! Awesome boyfriend/famliy he's got there.
olpally 33
Awesome boyfriend and family you have to put up with* haha.
mattjamt 16
Those are two completely opposite comments/views...
Olympiakos10 15
I thought the asterisk was meant only if you messed up a word or two, not an entire comment...
olpally 33
It didn't sound right to me the first time I said it... Oops. Sorry FML.
aklm15 14
I still don't see how you went from awesome family to family you have to put up with.
Jamerina3 10
Stop making a big deal out of it?
PinkieKeen 20
Honestly, when I first read this FML, I was disgusted. I went all feminist mode like, "OMG WOMEN R NOT OBJECTS U USE 2 **** TREET US BETTR PLZ" but then I realized that I can't take a joke.
mattjamt 16
Most of the major musicians have multiple trumpets to choose from, if you know what I'm saying.
perdix 31
I don't know what you are saying. Are you saying that major musicians have multiple penises? Or, they have multiple people to give ******** to? I doubt you have to be a major musician to find people to accept your ********.
bandeek 30
Maybe he's saying that since major musicians have strong mouth muscles that lots of people want them to give them blow jobs.
tanekdrachonae 19
So it's Paul Rudd from Wanderlust and he wants you to see his erection selection?
thundergodx 11
Nice bow ^^
mattjamt 16
Perdix maybe I'm saying she could find another guy? Not sure if you were being sarcastic...
graceinsheepwear 34
Oh so SHE's the musician in your comment. It took reading your second comment and two rereadings of your first to get that, so no, we didn't know what the hell you were saying.
mydadpulledout 17
He just says it like it is.
lightanddark 17
why would he fellate himself?
thatisaWIN 5
Thats not the point of the fml...
tj4234 36
Well if you could, why wouldn't you? You know what they say... If you want so ethi gdone right you gotta do it yourself.
kxxjoejoexxk 8
Well they say tooting your own horn feels more like tooting a horn than your horn being tooted
How_you_doin 10
so mind ****** right now...WHAT!???
esines 9
Cause if you want somethin done right, you do it yourself. Atleast that's what I tell myself during fap time
buckstop1 37
#97 you're profile picture becomes more disturbing by the second.
SS99_fml 20
Place a secret camera in his room and see if he ever tries it. Post on YouTube. Let hilarity ensue.
bluerhhajfk 17
No sexual content allowed on YouTube
mattjamt 16
13 - Spoilsport!
ILoveMyArm 15
Try YouLube.
zomgbies 17
thats when you pixelate his 3 inches of skin
Fedezzer 20
That's a little complimentary, but ok.
gc327072 31
21- or Youjizz, or Youporn, or....
myusernametaken 3
you've found the one.
liblob 6
its just a joke...laugh
M3DIC4T3 29
Frankly I'd have a talk with him about respecting me. Jokes are meant to be funny. If he's gonna be cracking sexual innuendoes that shows me I'm dating an immature douche not worthy of my time.
EpicBlondie89 19
#65 If you found that disrespectful then you need to lighten up. If a boyfriend did that to me I'd be jokingly elbowing him but laughing.
M3DIC4T3 29
Maybe not necessarily disrespectful but it's not appropriate. I have boundaries and certain things just push my buttons. That's where respect falls into place.
trollololulz 2
scoff all you want. I'm sure OP would 'blow me' and not have any ***** to give about appropriateness. lighten up.
KBurns207 17
Lmao you've got a keeper it seems to me
Co1121 11
I would have high fived him in the face.
Liamj774 36
With a chair
octopussperm125 18
And then use it on the trumpet
olpally 33
BAZINGA! :D
aimeegoldberg 22
stop commenting... its not working out for you
Emily062611 6
Maybe you should take your own advice, because you kinda just come off sounding like a jerk. Just down vote and move on. I will now follow my own advice.