Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML
Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, my husband was arrested because a fox, fleeing from about a billion dogs and rich twats on horses, jumped through our car window, and cowered between my legs. He got out of the car, waded through the dogs, and pulled one of the twats off his horse into a puddle, ruining his red coat. FML
Today, I had to bail my husband out from jail for almost killing someone. What happened? He and my sister-in-law were in an grocery store when she spotted his old high school nemesis, who back then was the biggest bully in school. She thought that it would be "exciting" to see what would happen if their paths crossed again. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML
Today, my wife got drunk and stopped for a pee against the wheel of a parked police car, with three coppers and a dog inside it. FML
Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML
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Top comments
IntoTheClouds 42
That's a funny story, actually.
MrHankie1999 0
They are confused because it didn't have a siren.
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Comments (187)
gjdavies1988 0
Good effort :)
Omnomnymous 10
Hahaha sounds like something I would do :D
lrgenesis 19
I assumed this was from Canada for some reason…
xx000o 27
Seems like a major waste of money to me. I would have let him sleep his drunk ass off.
Lauren324 18
Don't go messing with them. My friend was also drunk (at a street festival) and his head got pinned to the wall with the horses ass all because he asked to pet it.
Marom 3
funny as hell!
bizarre_ftw 22
EYour marriage Con - his stupidity rivals the 3 stooges Pro - his total failure works as an ego boost for you Hey, it's a give and take
bizarre_ftw 22
*your The iPad rivals the husband in stupidity when concerning the fml app 10X over
kyka 1
That is funny. I would have just left him in there!! Lol
dartzli 3
Your husband's a BOSS! :D
midoridoll 3
What happened to the friend.. From what I've read you didn't bail him out and he would be there still, correct? -bad poker face-