Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I cracked my back while pooping at work. It was so bad I had to go to the hospital and get carried out of the toilet by paramedics. A $4,000 bill later, my coworkers will not shut up about how funny it is. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, I went to the hospital for severe abdominal pain and nausea. I sat in the waiting room for six hours, just to be told, “We don’t know what’s wrong with you. Try taking Gravol and Tylenol and maybe lay off the fatty foods.” I feel like shit. FML
Today, I took my 8 month-old to Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML
Today, my son was up at 3:00 am crying due to excruciatingly severe pain in his groin. I took him to the ER. After nine hours consisting of two different hospitals, an ambulance ride, a CAT scan, an ultrasound, and possible appendicitis, the surgeon finally said he was just constipated. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I was telling my wife how being told to drink water all day when you're not even thirsty is "such a scam". Suddenly, I felt an excruciating pain in my abdomen. The ER had to give me IV fluids because I was so constipated from dehydration. The bill was over $2000. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
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Top comments
Lobster_fml 0
That's your fault. Wouldn't you know that you are constipated?
craigahh 0
That's why you should live in Canada.
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Comments (185)
theannoyingone 0
#8: the pain is literally excruciating and unless you've been constipated before, you would have no clue what to do. when i had it, I couldn't even move.
LiveLoveLife_fml 0
This tec. could be a good thing Always better safe then sorry right? Look at ^^ #37's, you never knowww
theannoyingone 0
NO WAY THAT HAPPENED TO ME TOO! It was so embarrassing! I don't blame you though, the pain is pretty horrible.
ohhhhshizzz 0
People, that is what laxatives were made for. seriously shove it up your ass and wait and then have two rolls of toilet paper on hand. #3, did you realize you weren't first and just wanted to be funny or did you do that on purpose. Bwahaha. =]
yokatta 0
The opposite happened to me once, I had horrible abdominal pains and the doctor said it was just constipation. Turns out it was appendicitis and it was about to rupture by the time they finally figured it out.
xOpheliacx 0
And you're positive that's what's wrong? I went to the hospital for severe stomach/abdominal pains and they told me there was nothing wrong. The next day I went to my school nurse about it and she told me to go to a gastroenterologist. Turns out I have IBS-A. If you keep getting the pains go to a GI, you could have IBS-C. (You probably don't, but it's becoming more and more common.)
guitardedman 0
dont be a pussy. i refuse to go to the doctor unless i HAVE to. (HAVE meaning if i dont i will be fired, or cut from a team, such as a physical.) and 21, stfu. how does being in america have the slightest bit to do with being a constipated retard? besides the fact that we don't have universal health care (yet) and he had to pay to be a retard.
amy397123 0
Pfffft, Your not a man.
fatfaceunited 0
wow, I learned how to take a dump when I was 2 years old. How old are you and how have you not perfected it by now? It's just pooping.
kandy_fml 0
Why my stomach hurts, the first thing I think to do is take a shit. I thought most people knew that.