Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I cracked my back while pooping at work. It was so bad I had to go to the hospital and get carried out of the toilet by paramedics. A $4,000 bill later, my coworkers will not shut up about how funny it is. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, I went to the hospital for severe abdominal pain and nausea. I sat in the waiting room for six hours, just to be told, “We don’t know what’s wrong with you. Try taking Gravol and Tylenol and maybe lay off the fatty foods.” I feel like shit. FML
Today, I took my 8 month-old to Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML
Today, my son was up at 3:00 am crying due to excruciatingly severe pain in his groin. I took him to the ER. After nine hours consisting of two different hospitals, an ambulance ride, a CAT scan, an ultrasound, and possible appendicitis, the surgeon finally said he was just constipated. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I was telling my wife how being told to drink water all day when you're not even thirsty is "such a scam". Suddenly, I felt an excruciating pain in my abdomen. The ER had to give me IV fluids because I was so constipated from dehydration. The bill was over $2000. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
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Top comments
Lobster_fml 0
That's your fault. Wouldn't you know that you are constipated?
craigahh 0
That's why you should live in Canada.
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Comments (185)
beg2dream 0
I have had that happen to me when I was 12 and my parents thought I was faking, but after a trip to the hospital they told us the same thing. Through out my life I have had that happen a few times, mostly due to gas really, I make sure I have gas x and when I start feeling those painful burst, I take some and in 20 mintues Im good! if you read these...hope this helps!
XxxrachelxxX 0
aha tht sucks did you ever once think "i feel like i gotta shit maybe i should try"
nuga 0
You must be a guy because if it was just constipation cramps it can't have been THAT bad and women have a much higher pain tolerance than that.
so_me_fml 0
So one time my roommate woke me up in the middle of the night to get me to take her to the ER because she "was dying". She paid $800 *AND* wasted my good dreams, to have the doctors inform her that she was experiencing menstrual cramps and should probably invest in some midol. F MY life on that one.
Nate_87 0
Haha! Same thing happened to me a couple years ago. I woke up with HORRIBLE pains in my lower stomach, woke my mother up at 5 AM, she thought it was appendicitis, went to the ER... turns out I was just constipated as well. These pains aren't ordinary cramps. It felt like my intestines were sliced with a knife. I could barely walk. Happened again last week. I figured it was constipation... it was gas... Didn't go to the hospital that time.
curious2090_fml 0
a similar situation happened to my mom...she was in unbearable pain and they told her she was constipated and gave her a laxative. she went to another hospital and found out she had an ovarian cyst. so...if the pain doesn't go away, seek (better) help!
Endymion_fml 0
Better safe than sorry.
DylanJR 0
I'm sorry but just like #15, it's free in Canada and the UK (me!) so unlucky.
musu_fml 0
#10 Or in any other country that has universal healthcare...for example, every single other developed nation except South Africa. #15 I'm in the UK, and I've never waited longer than an hour in a hospital waiting room (and that hour was for a cut forehead and I was just there to get it glued - too small for stitches). All that stuff about universal healthcare causing dangerously-long waiting times is just propaganda put out by people who have a vested interest in keeping you paying a fortune for your crappy healthcare. The UK is one of the unhealthiest countries in Europe, but we still pay less for our healthcare than the USA, and we're still healthier than the USA. I pay 7% of my income to the tax that pays for our healthcare; National Insurance. It ALSO pays for my state pension and for any unemployment benefit (welfare) I may need. 7% pays for all that. How much do Americans pay for fully-comprehensive health insurance? I bet it's more than 7%, and they don't get a pension and welfare out of it either.
musu_fml 0
#42 Universal healthcare REDUCES the waste caused by hypochondriacs; under the current US system, a doctor has a financial incentive to waste his time on the hypochondriac, because he'll get paid for it. In the UK, doctors get paid based on the health of the people on their books; the sicker their clients, the less they get paid, so they've got an incentive to tell the hypochondriac to stop being stupid and go home. Then they can move on and see the legitimate patients sooner.