Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I cracked my back while pooping at work. It was so bad I had to go to the hospital and get carried out of the toilet by paramedics. A $4,000 bill later, my coworkers will not shut up about how funny it is. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, I went to the hospital for severe abdominal pain and nausea. I sat in the waiting room for six hours, just to be told, “We don’t know what’s wrong with you. Try taking Gravol and Tylenol and maybe lay off the fatty foods.” I feel like shit. FML
Today, I took my 8 month-old to Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML
Today, my son was up at 3:00 am crying due to excruciatingly severe pain in his groin. I took him to the ER. After nine hours consisting of two different hospitals, an ambulance ride, a CAT scan, an ultrasound, and possible appendicitis, the surgeon finally said he was just constipated. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I was telling my wife how being told to drink water all day when you're not even thirsty is "such a scam". Suddenly, I felt an excruciating pain in my abdomen. The ER had to give me IV fluids because I was so constipated from dehydration. The bill was over $2000. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
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Top comments
Lobster_fml 0
That's your fault. Wouldn't you know that you are constipated?
craigahh 0
That's why you should live in Canada.
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Comments (185)
K4ofDoom 0
#5 - Pepto Bismol makes constipation worse.
little_one 20
I love canada.
123412341234 0
lol @ 12 because we all do that in canada... and i agree with #60 - we just pay for our health care through our ridiculously high taxes... but still - we end up paying less, generally, because all our rich people end up paying more :) yay! and we can go a hundred times for stupid things... like stubbed toes
123412341234 0
lol @ 12 because that's what we all do in canada and agree with #63... health care isn't free... we just pay for it through our ridiculously high taxes...
phantomdonut 0
don't feel bad - same thing happened to a friend of mine this past weekend.
asanthai 0
happened to a friend of mine. Unbearable stomach pains, ER ran every test in the book to the tune of $5000 (after insurance...) ... only to say it was just an ulcer and they couldn't really do anything for it in the ER...
aurorelle 0
You don't immediately resort to a doctor when you get stomach cramps...
Nandian90 0
Seriously why would you go to the doctor for that? I mean if it is ongoing like for days yeah, but for one day? That is just dumb. YDI
youfckingsuck 0
YOU DUMB SHIT
mkebrewers 0
after doing the same thing repeatedly, mine turned out to be crohn's disease. you're not a hypochondriac or a stupid american. "you have your health, be thankful." -mr. bueller