Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML
Today, I went to the dentist. After drilling my teeth for what seemed like hours, he gave me a long speech about how if I continue to smoke, the yellowing of my teeth won't be the only problem. I don't smoke. I never have. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend thinks brushing his teeth is unnecessary, because, "the world is going to end because of climate change anyway." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML
Today, a friend of mine has stopped brushing his teeth, because, "animals don’t brush their teeth either." You know what else animals don’t do? Smoke a pack of Marlboros a day. FML
Today, I went to the dentist and she told me, "If you don't stop smoking, yellow teeth aren't the only thing you'll have to worry about." I don't even smoke. FML
Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he stopped brushing his teeth two days after we started dating. Tomorrow is our 2 year anniversary. FML
Today, my coworker told me I should stop smoking cigarettes because it makes my breath "smell like shit" and makes my teeth look as yellow as corn. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. FML
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Top comments
FreakinChaps 0
I can't even imagine what kissing him would be like.
Redoxx_fml 22
And vodka is a substitute for mouthwash
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Comments (166)
khaya 9
no brushing teeth equals no sex, problem will soon solve itself.
Jannettecooks 1
Yum he's super sexy! I can see why you fell for him. It's the amazing hygiene and intelligence double whammy! Not
Clarice1 9
I really don't understand how you can get far enough in a relationship to be engaged without realizing that the other person is a) gross and b) stupid. Obviously this situation sucks, but I'm having trouble being sympathetic.
bfsd42 20
Anytime an fml starts with my fiancé/husband, and ends with him doing something moronic, it's an automatic ydi. If op accepts him for who he is, she shouldn't be posting on fml bad mouthing him.
Awsumuzzie 12
Because people NEVER change. Especially not for the worse. If some miracle happens and someone magically changes, it's ONLY for the good. Definite ydi's. (SARCASM)
1crabbygirl 10
I can back up the validity of your reasoning by pointing out the low divorce rate in this country.
flapdoodle 2
Doesn't brush teeth + smoker = deal breaker! Why would you marry this man??!
lostfaithinpppl 19
Absolutely this ^^^ No sympathy for you, OP.
annagilbert 6
o.O what do you mean its not a substitute for brushing teeth?....
BunBunBabe 8
Nasty
Nighthawk143420 8
I would never kiss my boyfriend if he did that. Just be blunt about it.
immaMonsta 8
Well that's disgusting...
OfficeNinja 5
Claim that kicks to the nuts are a good substitute for sex. Problem solved.
JayJaysGirl 0
He's probably going to think that a rubber band around his wee-wee is a substitute for a condom..
perdix 31
You need to make him use Dual-Action Topol -- it cleans smokers' teeth, plus it plays Tevye in the movie version of "Fiddler On The Roof!" How it does both I don't know!
DocBastard 40
That's a bit obscure, Perdix. On one hand, I bet there are only a handful of people who got this. On the other hand, most are thinking "Who the hell is Tevye?" On the other hand...there are no other hands!
perdix 31
Thanks, but for the few that got it, I'll bet they enjoyed it a lot. After plowing through the interminable "that sucks", "you deserve better" and "I'll be your friend" comments, I'd think this was an unexpected surprise. It's no shanda getting thumbed down, but it's no great honor, either!