Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted, "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML
Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss's wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men." I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML
Today, I was yelled at and fired by my boss. He claimed that I've been sleeping with his wife. I've never met his wife. FML
Today, a huge and angry man stormed into my work and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop sleeping with his wife. He then threatened to come back and kick my ass if I so much as texted his wife again. The problem is, I'm married, have never cheated and I work for my wife's father. FML
Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML
Today, I caught my best friend's wife being a cheating whore, and I told her either she told him the truth or I would. More fool me, she used the time I gave her to convince him I tried to sleep with her, so now he won’t believe a word I say, and he punched me in the jaw. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, some woman ran up, hugged me from behind, and called me another dude's name. When she saw my face, she apologised for getting the wrong person, and ran off. Perfectly innocent, right? Nope. My wife is forcing me to sleep in another room until I admit I’m having an affair. FML
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Top comments
spazzychild 12
Punch him for sleeping with your ex-girlfiend.
Babalu722 3
wow, thats just messed up
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Comments (309)
Babalu722 3
wow, thats just messed up
Jennyboo5797 4
He needs to press charges on that dumbass!
Damn_Hippster 11
Stupid people make me sad :(
happyhak 5
I highly hope that guy was not serious...
Neopets_dot_com 0
Shoot him and say you were defending yourself.
Eaglestrike117 29
This is assault, which is a crime...
ShyAnn29 15
I'd press charges if I were you! That guy who punched you, sounds to me like he has some jealousy issues
zombicidal 11
reminds me of the WKUK skit did you used to date my girlfriend where Timmy attacks Trevor for taking his girlfriend to the prom in high school
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
95-**** YES!!!! Keep the allusions to the WKUK coming! ****** love that show...
fakeaccountX 6
I'm with 52.
DrewsFML 8
Yes, messed up... UNLESS the husband just found out that OP gave his wife herpes and didn't tell her...
btnhdude 0
Whats WKUK?
trgower13 0
Maybe he is just mad b/c he doesn't know how to please a women like the OP did.
zombicidal 11
@202 whitest kids u know
Istalkrexgar2000_fml 0
Obviously he has jealousy issues idiot.
bwinski 19
So much for ex post facto... Well, sort of
gpd_deputy_1 6
FYL OP, but I think I feel more sorry for his wife. If he punched you, a complete stranger, for something that was obviously out of your control and plainly okay at the time, I can just imagine his reaction to her when he found out she apparently wasn't a virgin when they were married.
nuhuh 1
UNLESS! He was that bad of a lay and this was her way of payback?
Ugi 27
Clearly the husband is so rubbish in bed that the OP's ex keeps saying how much better the OP was and that has made hubby mad.
xleanne_aLly 23
Punch him back OP, if he presses you for charges you can say it was self-defense (Y)
tucker5005 1
Only one problem with that... murder, even as self-defence, is a much more serious offence than punching someone.
RedPillSucks 33
@225 Or worse, the wife went on and on about how good a lay OP was, compared to her husband.
jimboner69 6
Kick his ASS
takeajoke 5
crazy ass man.
zakkyzebra 11
Excuse me, sir. What is an ass man? Let alone a crazy one...
akayc32 0
21, you don't know what an ass man is? FYL.
LouisianaBob 9
I believe he also goes by the name kramer
KiddNYC1O 22
Wait 'till you see the big ass piñata I got.
KiddNYC1O 22
LOL. Oh, yes.
K0k04 1
Haha, he's married to her. Can he blame you for banging her? Do they not get it on?
StoryOfTheYear 15
21- An ass man would be someone that is similar to President Skroob from Spaceballs in the scene where his ass in on his front side.
Buttsexpirate 9
21- I am an ass man.but I assure you that I am not crazy, or at least that's what my therapist says.
tygerarmy 35
An Ass man would be the One Mr. Ass: Bad Ass Billy Gunn "Oh, you didnt know? Your ass better caaaaalllll somebody! Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Children of all ages: D-Generation X proudly brings to you (The World Wrestling Federation) TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WOOORLD! The Road Dogg Jesse James, The Bad Ass Billy Gunn, The New Age Outlaws!" "... and if you're not down with that, we've got two words for ya! SUCK IT!"
forthepainx3 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
this confuses me.
CryMoreFMLs 15
For slow people, I will dumb it down. OP got punched because he slept with a girl 3 years ago. The new hubby went total derpshit and hunted the OP down to punch him.
No_LoveMM 3
lol derpshit
aftertheriot 0
31- I still don't ******* get it! it dumb down more some please!
CryMoreFMLs 15
Hubby is dumb. Hubby punch OP. OP is confused. I hope that's simple enough. If not, then you might need to ride a shortbus for life.
lena6310 0
OP's ex girlfriend who had sex with him 3 years ago got married and her new husband punched the op for sleeping with her 3 years ago
Rainbow_dumpster 28
I love your words, 31. "Derpshit"... LAWL!
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Hey! Some of us don't ride the short bus because we have to. We ride it because the windows taste good.
EvilPotato 15
3 then your retarded.
white16sox 19
I won't even bother correcting you evil potato
KiddNYC1O 22
148- Their retarded what???
fatraptorjesus13 9
148 are you trying two speak too us? your so dumb! you're brain must have a lot if issues!
TheNewGuy03 29
Oh, but some of us ride the short bus because WE ******* LIKE IT. Either that, or it's grossly opportunistic. Take your pick.
higgy6969 7
Two is the number. YDI.
bitchslapped22 14
"your retarded" = classic failure. And I find these replies to 3 hilarious by the way!
No_LoveMM 3
200 You're
ohmandapants 17
Pretty sure 200 was trying to make a point and is not actually that stupid you guys
truwinna 0
I see anger manangement classes in his future? Possible jealousy issues?
akayc32 0
"Possible jealousy issues"? I think it's pretty much diagnosable, no possible to it.
Jaxx66 21
Sheesh. That type of jealousy is a divorcable offence in my book.
ohmandapants 17
Press charges?
olpally 33
yes... he'll be able to after he regains his energy after being punched.. sorry to hear that op :(
piemasterp 8
Oh, so he can post to fml, but not press chardes?
ImOlivia 5
He doesn't want to play Charades, he wants to press charges. ;)
tc34 1
Yeah seriously
KiddNYC1O 22
My dick, large like the Chargers, the whole team.
RetardedChipmunk 7
The Chargers suck
cynide 13
Chardes?
piemasterp 8
Omg. Sorry. I'm not used to typing on my iPod -.- Meant to say press charges.
Supergirl1988 16
ChardeeMacdennis
MrleClochard 4
Yup, been there.
psuedodragon 23
Where? Punching your current partner's ex, or being punched by your ex's current partner?
BellaBelle_fml 23
86-Mind Blown
rayrayray23 1
Hahaha
spazzychild 12
Punch him for sleeping with your ex-girlfiend.
jefffluffingham 5
that actually makes sense. also you can at least work the self defense angle.
reddawn85 8
Or punch him under the principal that he randomly assaulted OP. Either way, retaliation would have been justified.
No_LoveMM 3
*insert lame-ass anti-retaliation tree hugging imafaggot comment here*
Beeftinkle 13
Or you can just have a threesome... Then assault both of them, then press charges for rape and assault.
36AngryPandas 1
Punch the ex-girlfriend for sleeping with both of you
Gwen4var 31
Agreed
twofirstnames 12
Haha, he needs to loosen up :P
barnmaster98 5
I think she's the one who's loose
williamwheat37 0
No that's what he's mad at the OP for doing to his wife
LinaLyssic 12
Punch him for sleeping with your ex-girlfriend. Haha I wrote exactly the same as spazzychild without reading it first!
reddawn85 8
Then how were you able to state that all in the same post?
BellaBelle_fml 23
She probably edited it after she saw the other post. Why she didn't just change it, I don't know.
DKjazz 20
FML let's you edit your comment. Watch. See, here I am, editing my comment.
DKjazz 20
Oh, the person above me beat me to it. Kinda funny, given the situation.
lajaynay 15
I'd give her the credit though since she spelled ex girlfriend correctly.
False_Stupidity 42
I don't know, ex-girlfiend has a certain evil charm about it...
polocity 0
Tsss it's like he's a time traveler or somethin
bn326160 13
no, you don't understand.
polocity 0
Tss I don't get it did he date a wife or somethin?
bn326160 13
No, she wasn't somebody's wife yet, she.. Bleh, just re-read the FML..
polocity 0
Tss I know she must of be in Utah or somethin
polocity 0
Tsss u look like a firework or somethin
polocity 0
Tss u sound like a walkie talkie or somethin. Maybe u should call to Pluto tss
chelseaaababyyy 17
18 - you're gorgeous(:
Maddoctor 10
Woah. I tried to go on polocity's profile to see if she started her About Me with the "tss" thing and she got BANNED! Who would have thought? Guess I'll never be able to find out now...
newlove_fml 0
KaySL- you, sir, have mastered the art of overboard. Needless to say, your comments made me laugh.
goobergirlie 5
Thank god she was banned. Borderline remedial right there.
KiddNYC1O 22
I think he/she is trying to suck their teeth through writing... Hahaha.