Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML
Today, I went to the dentist. After drilling my teeth for what seemed like hours, he gave me a long speech about how if I continue to smoke, the yellowing of my teeth won't be the only problem. I don't smoke. I never have. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend thinks brushing his teeth is unnecessary, because, "the world is going to end because of climate change anyway." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML
Today, a friend of mine has stopped brushing his teeth, because, "animals don’t brush their teeth either." You know what else animals don’t do? Smoke a pack of Marlboros a day. FML
Today, I went to the dentist and she told me, "If you don't stop smoking, yellow teeth aren't the only thing you'll have to worry about." I don't even smoke. FML
Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he stopped brushing his teeth two days after we started dating. Tomorrow is our 2 year anniversary. FML
Today, my coworker told me I should stop smoking cigarettes because it makes my breath "smell like shit" and makes my teeth look as yellow as corn. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
FreakinChaps 0
I can't even imagine what kissing him would be like.
Redoxx_fml 22
And vodka is a substitute for mouthwash
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (166)
FreakinChaps 0
I can't even imagine what kissing him would be like.
FUUUandyourmom 16
Then don't.
ThisIsMyReign 4
1 - Spray windex in your mouth.
skullcandifiedDJ 5
Yeah, I bet he's gonna say that smoking weed is like eating your vegetables next....
scottieclark 4
That's disgusting.
Alwayspullout 7
Um, smoking's bad for you, mmmkay?
The_Troller 14
15- Windex is probably a lot cleaner than OP's fiancée's mouth.
JayJaysGirl 0
17- you're an idiot. I've seen your comments in many things and lets just say: stick with prostitution.
The_Troller 14
Looks like it's that time of the month for 40.
_Oblivion_ 12
40- Your comment doesn't mean the slightest **** to me. All it shows is how much of an asshole you are for criticising a guy that didn't do anything. Stfu and gtfo no one needs your comments, his made more sense than yours.
kyarush 10
Yummy...
n_epic_fail 14
Depending on what else is mixed with you're weed it technically could be a vegetable.... It does come come from a leaf ;)
bitter3ulogy 0
#80 Then you get a mouth like in your picture
littletinyME 5
80, weed is made from the buds of the plants. Also, smoking something can not give you the nutrition that actual vegetables can.
HeartOnSleeves 8
I kinda just wanted to comment to say... HARVEST MOON PICTURE! Sorry about the nastyness, OP.
Z03y 7
#1 probably like licking an old ashtray that has never been cleaned!
IStoleTheCookies 16
My ex was a smoker, and never used to brush his teeth. It used to grind my gears so much, there is absolutely no need for being unhygienic when you have available sources! (toothbrush, shower etc.) Give him a kick up the backside and tell him to fix up.
afunnyterdcody 5
Yup
spongebob1990 3
Its not !!!!
AllSoul 23
Oh so fresh.
alpaquette91 9
Dirty mouth? Clean it up with marlboro menthol!
skitzofunia88 8
Hey what coincidence I'm smokin that exact brand right meow. Mmm menthol... Good for the soul. *cough
ManlyDunsparce 3
Menthols? Must be a black guy.
TurnpikeTwister 0
Makes you feel like your taking a deep breath on top of a mountain, ahhhhh refreshing!!!
neverdrinkSODA 12
destroy all of his cigarettes
reapy 14
Yeah, cause he can't pop back out to the shop and get more, can he?
DocBastard 40
Sure he can. And then she can destroy those. And the cycle continues until he runs out of money, dumps her for caring about him and his health, or comes to his damned senses and quits.
JayJaysGirl 0
Yes well...Good Luck With That..
maronofhearts 19
Yeah Doc or becomes violent and puts other peoples lives in danger like hers because you're not only wasting his money that he earned but you're taking away his habit forcefully which is unhealthy and can cause him to become angry from withdrawal. Would've thought you'd be against that sort of thing Doc.
marzipanimal 15
I just got a chill from your picture #4
OwnageTheCat 2
Destroy ALL of the cigarettes!
DocBastard 40
maronofhearts - You would have thought wrong. I'm in favour of getting people to quit smoking however I can. If that means wasting their hard-earned money and making them angry because they're too stupid or lazy to quit, then so be it. Smoking is the number one (or two, depending on what statistics you believe) preventable cause of death in the world. So do I feel sorry for someone who gets irritable because he can't have his precious cancer stick? Nope, not one little bit.
jerryk 2
IM so glad you feel that you have the right to try and take away their freedom of choice if they smoke, then they smoke get over it...
buck33 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Isn't that a toothpaste flavor?
Torva_fml 16
Seriously?
InvaderAmi 4
Please be kidding.
bananabuttercup 8
Thats like someone washing thier body with WD40 and you being like "isn't that a cleaning agent?"
Maxcold 2
*facepalm.
French_Toast_fml 3
Well, 2 out of 5 dentists smoke Camel Menthol, so I guess it works.
Jannettecooks 1
I can't believe you got thumbs down for this! Made me lol :)
The_Hitdude 12
....and 85% if online statistics are made up. Including mine.
The_Troller 14
85% is probably accurate though.
nancyfantastic 3
And yet, he's your fiancé.
kooochris1995 14
Yeah. I don't get why people complain about their relationship. I mean they're the ones who choose their boyfriend/girlfriend.
nancyfantastic 3
Agreed. I'm assuming this isn't a new habit.
Lizzy500 16
Considering how physically close you have to get to someone to make children and all that, umm yeah I could break up with a dude over something as "little" as hygeine.
sweetpea41800 0
That's just disgusting. Hygiene problem guessing?
1crabbygirl 10
Why did she *start* kissing him??
Redoxx_fml 22
And vodka is a substitute for mouthwash
jeob1992 8
Umm... Always
zombicidal 11
it does kill germs its alcohol after all just not as high a concentration
swimmersrok 0
Actually... I think theres like alcohol in listerine and other mouthwash. Interesting possibilities...
starman02 12
Nom nom nom vodka
moneybagz131 6
Durtee mouf? Clean it up with MENTHOL. Nauw in stylish new packs.
lotrgeek 10
I'm seriously hoping you tried very hard to purposely spell that badly. Otherwise, no...Just no.
GypsyHearted 2
He's using phonics to depict a British accent.
mikeymayhem_87 15
I am guessing he is spelling out gangsta speak lol
moneybagz131 6
Nope just failing at pronouncing an English accent
Keebz_02 0
Hookt on fonix reely wurkd 4 mee!
happy2468 21
Dirty* mouth* now*
Awsumuzzie 12
How is everyone confusing this guy as being serious about his spelling? She pronounces those words in that manner, and I give him credit for trying. I wouldn't have gotten close to her accent.
2oc 5
What I am confused about is why he keeps alternating sexes. It's just not right!