Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML
Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML
Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML
Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML
Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML
Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML
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Top comments
abbytequiere 9
You deserve this just for calling it your man-mush. Really?
bobbyfmaul 2
New nick name - "The Thing"
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Comments (183)
hateevryone 15
*facepalm*
capnbzarr 43
Between your mistake and your choice of words, it's clear that the gene pool is better off with your contribution left in gym socks rather than fertilizing some poor girl's eggs.
kingofchips 0
Lol man mush? I beleive it's called manonoise
diegoer 10
At least you can tan it and be a genital model lol
davek 36
You know when you've been Tango'd.
momo1972 3
Caught orange handed
krazy_kat2 4
Your the next "Situation." Sorry for your luck, but hey, at least more Italian/Jersey Girls will be attracted to you :]
KnucklesDeep 5
The world can be thankful your offspring were shot into a sock and not some poor unfortunate woman.
pepz_fml 5
did you at least finish your wank?
tmaq973 7
You wouldn't happen to be the same guy who got turned on by the vanilla scent, would you?