Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML
Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML
Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML
Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML
Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML
Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
abbytequiere 9
You deserve this just for calling it your man-mush. Really?
bobbyfmaul 2
New nick name - "The Thing"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (183)
Dramori 29
Wtf is it with you Yanks (pardon the pun) and the need to use socks to jack off?! Use tissues like a sane person, aaaand you can use snot as an excuse if anyone finds it... How do you explain a crusty sock????
Kingwell 0
You've been tangoed ;)
Tommay186 7
YDI OP
unluckiestperson_fml 14
Why the **** do you keep lube next to bronzer?
devilaspoint 0
Are you sure you weren't eating cheese puffs while whacking off?
YagerMiester95 8
That's gotta suck.
shithappensmaan 4
No, if it sucked, he wouldn't have felt a need to "have a good old wank."
cass1_l0ve 13
Hahaha if you get a hot blonde in bed and she sees your "man-mush maker" just start talking like an alien!!! Hahaha maybe she'll believe ya!
crazyturtlelover 0
Secretly trying to be gold member?
ICATiger 13
New Jersey Shore trend??
katrinakuntflapz 6
Lololololololol