Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML
Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML
Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML
Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML
Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML
Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML
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Top comments
abbytequiere 9
You deserve this just for calling it your man-mush. Really?
bobbyfmaul 2
New nick name - "The Thing"
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Comments (183)
ronski 41
At least you'll be able to see it better in the dark :D
AnagenisisZagus 13
Well, this was worded....colourfully.
OfficeNinja 5
It's like a warning sign that says "hey girls - keep away! Keep far, far, away".
K8e92 0
Solution: soak in lemon water
Okayitwasme 0
Baaahaa ha ha , now that's funny! No nudest colonies for awhile! Use the cubical when you urinate. Any guy who is standing next to you will put it together. Lol
perdix 31
Don't worry, no one's going to be looking at your genitals anytime soon. And your palms will soon be covered by a thick mat of hair.
vintage3113 6
This is so awful but so terrifically worded
mrssuarez2011 12
I find it troublesome that you own bronzer.
allen30076 0
dude... get a girl if u need to spank the monkey that bad
iloveadele123 1
Someone's a big boy, huh? Awww, spurting "man-mush" into a sock? SERIOUSLY?!
RedPillSucks 33
Well, it doesn't work as well if you use fish-net stockings.