Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML
Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML
Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML
Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML
Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
saraitkddh 47
look at the bright side, you are not the one who is pregnant!
tony1891 22
out of all things to run out of. you run out of dog food. come on man.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (107)
captainsmegma 12
Welcome to hell.
ullsmith 11
Visit my profile and I'll visit yours!
Attacksloth 33
She is being taken over by hormones, but in nine months' time, you will both be taken over by hormones of joy.
lalaney 14
I really don't understand where some men get off, complaining about witnessing their wives' difficult pregnancy. I get it, it's frustrating, but you don't need to look far to find some perspective; i.e., your wife. It's the only physical ordeal of this magnitude where the person not going through it directly gets to complain. "Today, my mother threw up on me because of a bad bout of chemo. FML."
marcranger 29
In his defense, we can assume he and his wife want to have a baby and that this ordeal will, as other commenters are suggesting, be worth it to them in the end. Nobody chooses to have cancer. It's also a humorous reminder to baby-haters like me who are giving the "it'll all be worth it!" comments serious raised eyebrows that we really need to stick to our birth control regimen for multiple reasons!
LO1014 16
Welcome to pregnancy!
Aimeejasmine 15
Geez she's having your baby, voluntarily ripping herself apart for you and you're complaining about a bit of puke? Grow up
marcranger 29
I would assume it's her baby, too, and she wants it just as much, if not more , than he does to put herself through this much misery.
darryaz 9
My youngest kid is 24 and I STILL remember the "crazies" VERY well.
ladygrace381 1
Lmfao, dude that's just the beginning..
marcranger 29
Well, OP, thanks for giving me motivation to stay on the pill even though I've been assured that my ovaries are firing blanks! As long as you and your wife are both excited to become parents, though, I'm sure the commenters who are sure it will be worth everything, even the puke, are right .
thisguy2013 3
It'll get better. rough days some days but it does get better.