Today, I got my very first yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom went through my drawers and found some antibiotics from Planned Parenthood. She immediately flew into a rage and told my whole family, my aunts, and her church that I was a “loose woman with a horrible disease.” The antibiotics were to treat bacterial vaginosis, not an STD at all. FML
Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom. Apparently, my seeking medicinal treatments for my cancer is blasphemous. According to her, I should just pray my cancer away. FML
Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML
Today, I learned I don't have a yeast infection. I have herpes. FML
Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML
Today, my grandmother loudly announced that she has a yeast infection. Under her breast. She attempted to show me. FML
Today, after two rounds of antibiotics, I got a yeast infection. My husband started calling me "Yeasty." FML
Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML
Today, after years of having seasonal allergies and months of having my throat close up, my mom agreed to see a doctor, only to insult me in front of the doctor, saying I just find new ways to make their lives harder and I'm probably making it all up. FML
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Top comments
btstig 11
The power of Christ compels you........ To clean that shit up!!
magymofucka 9
just go to a drugstore & take care of that shit yourself.
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Comments (127)
sisterjameela 7
Put some garlic and plain yogurt! It'll keep the vampires away and cure it at the same time.
katties 27
That's NOT the way to cure it! Garlic isn't the best things for mucus membranes and probiotica in yogurts is NOT the same you find in your ******. Yogurt was a good cure when it was all natural, but not what is sold in stores today. It's MUCH more safe to just go to the apothecary and get suppositories.
apollojon 11
Probably the first time ive heard the word "apothecary" being used outside of a medieval video game. Mind successfuly blown. :o
katties 27
Ok, drugstore, then. In the language I usually talk "apothecary" is the word one uses. Big deal.
CinnamonBunny 16
I don't think apollojon was insulting you, katties. His surprise sounded more like the pleasant kind than the "what the **** are YOU" kind.
Sputnikspak 13
Apothecary is pretty common outside the US. So is chemist, actually.
Link5794 18
Chemist is common inside the US.
HelloChrissy 9
Maybe if you have a meth lab.
Zephianaxo 7
My BF from New Zealand says Chemist. It's kinda funny. Never heard Apothecary outside of a video game either.
MariJ82 14
Tell her you believe in the power of modern medicine more.
pickles1994 18
Go to your doctor about it. Or someone else who your close with.
perdix 31
For a yeast infection, Miconazole > Jesus. For everything else, I'll let you decide.
KareBear7364 5
sounds like something my mom would say lol
Always_Me7 6
Yeah.. believe in the power of a man born from a 'virgin' mother
doritowhore 9
Unless Jesus and Vagisil have something in common, religious figures are not going to help you in that department.
lovealwayssam 14
go to walgreens or walmart or wherever you prefer and get some medication. I'm pretty sure cranberry juice helps too.:)
melons 44
That's Cystitis.
Socks91 16
Yeah stay away from sugar.
loveashlley 6
Sugar free cranberry juice works wonders. Ocean Spray is not the route to go. Unless you get sugar free. It's bitter as heck but two bottles of it and plenty of water and you should be good.
lulubelles 33
I don't know why people marked you down #33, you're perfectly correct, cranberry juice is supposed to help with UTIs not yeast infections
LifelessStars 22
I love it how y'all turned this into a medical debate
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Simply go to the pharmacy, they will advise you. Also, stay away from sweets and mushrooms for a while because they feed the infection. It's your first one so you want to get rid of it ASAP because this little ***** can get worse and come back after a while if badly treated. Take care of yourself OP and don't mind your mother. She is talking rubbish. I got a yeast infection when I was very young and still a virgin.
Sputnikspak 13
You can easily get yeast infections without sexual contact. I got my first when I was ten, apparently it was from going swimming in a lake and then sitting around in a wet bathing suit.
ShyAnn29 15
Yeah, I've had a couple yeast infections when I was a virgin, so as far as I know, it has nothing to do with sexual contact.
secret_ninja_gal 12
nfI got plenty of yeast infections as a child. well not THAT much but I think it was because when I was in a hurry I wouldn't wipe when I'd go pee.... I was young ok....
Sputnikspak 13
94: Even babies can get them, apparently. My mother informed me that I had one as an infant, from an issue similar to yours - my Dad was apparently a dunce with baby girls, and wiped the wrong way. =/ Way to go, Dad.
CinnamonBunny 16
Normally I would tell you to go to your chemist and ask for the clotrimazole double whammy oral pill and suppository. As it's your first infection I would go to my doctor so he can tell you for sure that it is in fact a yeast infection and not a UTI or something else. In future, to prevent the nasty bastard flaring up again, drink cranberry juice and try to limit your sugar intake as that's what yeast feeds on.
melons 44
I'd avoid cranberry juice, as it's usually used to help cystitis, not thrush and it also tends to contain a lot of sugar.
CinnamonBunny 16
Ah, my mistake. Thanks for the correction.
Sputnikspak 13
Yeah, you're best off mainlining cranberry juice if you have a UTI and are waiting to see a doctor, not for a yeast infection - though eating yogurt is good (also good for strep and tonsillitis). I get UTIs and kidney infections all the damn time (I have Lupus). You have to make sure to buy the kind without any added sugar, though. I also have a bottle of cranberry supplements around. For some reason, if I get a UTI, it's ALWAYS Friday night. >(
MikeFoxtrot01594 11
I don't understand the yogurt part.
lmngrl889 14
yeah u are supposed to go to the dr for your first YI.