Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while in the shower, my roomates thought it would be really funny if they threw my cat in with me. The doctor who gave me the stitches also thought so. FML
Today, my sister caught me bent over trying to trim my pubic hairs. She took a photo of my spread ass as a joke and scared me so bad, I cut my clitoris. Currently in hospital hopped up on the really good morphine for the excruciating pain. Oh, and the stitches, God, I can't forget the stitches. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office. People kept staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. Later, I realized my sister's puppies had chewed a noticeable hole in my pants' crotch. FML
Today, on the way to class, I got distracted while watching some ducks and walked face-first into a concrete pole. I ended up with a black eye and three stitches. Even the nurse laughed. FML
Today, during my shift as a vet nurse, I picked up a gorgeous cat for cuddles, only to discover it was covered with pee. And now I am too. I still have 4 hours of my shift. FML
Today, I got home after a spending a week recovery from surgery. My neighbour had been feeding my cat whilst I was away. Exhausted, I went straight to my bedroom where I soon discovered that my cat had shat on my pillows, duvet, and pyjamas. FML
Today, I was laying with my cat when someone set off a firework next to my window. Now I have stitches and a bed covered in blood. FML
Today, while working at my new job at a veterinary hospital, I was excited that I set a urinary catheter in a dog for the first time. I guess I was a little too enthusiastic though, because I pulled it out too fast and bloody urine splashed up all over my face. FML
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Top comments
DjMonroe95 11
I bet the cat got your tongue after that one.
Snowkeys 11
You gotta be kitten me. Did you fall on a box of angry abandoned kittens?
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Comments (110)
DjMonroe95 11
I bet the cat got your tongue after that one.
friedpwnadge 25
I don't really want to say it, but you got pussy whipped.
Damian95 16
#1 I'm really feline that joke.
ILoveMyArm 15
@1 I'm pawsitive that is not the only thing they got.
Martinez0285 28
such a cat-tastrophy
then000bster 16
These comebacks are Purrfectly funny. I hope OP can claw his way out of this one.
FMLbutYDI 17
Are you Furr-Real?
Snowkeys 11
You gotta be kitten me. Did you fall on a box of angry abandoned kittens?
rg350dx 29
OP was asked to pet sit for a friend. He just took it literally and ended up with another hole in the ass.
xBethanyC 15
Those kittens sound like a real pain in the ass
Acrlyx 8
I bet this is awkward seeing the cat in the top right corner
tzoro37 9
Sounds like an interesting cat fight!
Nikkitaria 9
If only OP was a girl.
catwho 18
Did you sit on them or they mistake something hanging as a play toy?
Misswildsides 22
Or it could be evil intentions. Cats are evil little suckers..
catwho 18
I don't find them evil, just playful and not caring if you get hurt
TheDrifter 24
It just takes kittens a bit to figure out that human skin is far more susceptible to claws than fur is.
neeni88 23
Oh and those needly little claws and teeth... Arghh, so painful!
britts95 11
Either that, or some individual was having way too much fun with a laser pointer.
neonberries 15
Wild kittens? What did you do to provoke them?
Martinez0285 28
showed them his bum
daesung 8
Kitties are dangerous. Meow
JACKxRAWR 22
Kittens are tiny! It's not difficult to pick them up and move them away from oneself.
KiddoKS 19
Although when a kitten sees a full "moon" they turn into giant, ferocious cougars. It's similar to when humans turn into werewolves and is the only possible logical explanation :)
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
those boobs in your profile picture look dangerous
IHATEFMYLIFE 26
Wow those are some ginormous boobs!!! Sorry I had to say it...
kat_a_tak 18
@44 - i've never met a wild kitten, but i once tried to befriend a litter of feral barn kittens. their little claws are sharper than razors, and picking them up is indeed asking for stitches.
lionkat456 28
How did a kitten scratch your BEAR butt cheek?!?
MzZombicidal 36
I think I'd be more concerned as to why OP has a bear buttcheek!
KnoelleW16 5
Bare*
Martinez0285 28
perhaps he was trying to give them pink eye ?
lionkat456 28
24- thanks, I had a feeling I spelled that wrong X|
RedPillSucks 33
Bear butt-cheeks is funnier. Lycanthropy gone wrong.
thatnucca 36
Being mauled by little ******* literally... Even the reverse is not good enough to be a **** title... FYL
graceinsheepwear 34
We want to hear the whole kit and caboodle!
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Next time lie and say you fought off a panther. Then they'll be amazed at how much of a man you are.
donkeykitty 16
im just not quite sure how to fight it with your bum...looks more like running away!
wvcheesehead1 9
Perhaps they thought you stole their mittens, I know when I lose things I tend to blame others.