Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother offered me some chocolate milk. I took a few gulps before I realized the label said it was raw unpasteurized milk. When I pointed this out to my mother, she asked me what pasteurization is. We might get sick because my mother is the most horrifically ignorant and out-of-touch person on earth. FML
Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom, because apparently I'm an idiot for not sharing her belief that chickens are mammals. She has a university degree in this stuff. FML
Today, my girlfriend is angry with me. We had an argument on how to properly eat an Oreo. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, while working as a barista, a customer asked me for "gluten free milk". When I told her that most milk is gluten free, she flew into a fit of rage and cussed me out for being a "cheeky bitch". My manager then lectured me about not being "patronising" to customers. FML
Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML
Today, my mom claimed that lactose intolerance is a "myth" and told me to drink my damn milk because it's good for my bones. FML
Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML
Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML
Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML
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Top comments
Nadron 21
"May thy milk be blessed for thy thirst." Amen.
fakedsincerity 32
Oh dear. Tell her to do some Google research. Also have a milk related joke: Why is milk the fastest food? Because it's pasteurised before you see it.
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Comments (96)
jerome72 14
perhaps the "yes, dear" route may have been applied here
rayman173 2
Omg I thought I was thr only one who used this route
brycemash 9
I love when the comments are funnier than the post. Oh and now I'm gonna get hate cause I said my opinion.
Marcella1016 32
Nope I agree with you. And I found the whole thing funny as hell lol. Sorry, OP, that the whole thing turned into a heated argument. Hope everything worked out, though. For anyone looking for additional laughs look up "South Park Milkman pasteurized" on Youtube. Hilarious.
Steve95401 49
Louis Pasteur would be spinning in his centrifuge if he saw this post.
Enslaved 38
Holy cow?!
Dillyduzit 23
Eh, couples argue about dumb things sometimes. Last night my husband and I argued about whether or not Twizzlers are licorice or not. But things like that are just laughable in the end. It's important not to take things too seriously.
alyciawatkins37 13
Lmao!
91hayek 31
Heated argument? There's some pasteurization right there.
spiNdraHekiLI 11
GET.OUT.NOW
tournamentdecide 33
Why? because his girlfriend was wrong about something? I'd hate to be in a relationship with someone like you. Just because she isn't the brightest doesn't mean she isnt a wonderful woman. And don't bring up how she argued over it; everyone is passionate about their opinions.
Lehk 9
dump her, nothing good can come from staying with someone who is that dumb.
huulia_ 12
For the love of God, please don't breed with her.