Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother offered me some chocolate milk. I took a few gulps before I realized the label said it was raw unpasteurized milk. When I pointed this out to my mother, she asked me what pasteurization is. We might get sick because my mother is the most horrifically ignorant and out-of-touch person on earth. FML
Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom, because apparently I'm an idiot for not sharing her belief that chickens are mammals. She has a university degree in this stuff. FML
Today, my girlfriend is angry with me. We had an argument on how to properly eat an Oreo. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, while working as a barista, a customer asked me for "gluten free milk". When I told her that most milk is gluten free, she flew into a fit of rage and cussed me out for being a "cheeky bitch". My manager then lectured me about not being "patronising" to customers. FML
Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML
Today, my mom claimed that lactose intolerance is a "myth" and told me to drink my damn milk because it's good for my bones. FML
Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML
Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML
Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML
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Top comments
Nadron 21
"May thy milk be blessed for thy thirst." Amen.
fakedsincerity 32
Oh dear. Tell her to do some Google research. Also have a milk related joke: Why is milk the fastest food? Because it's pasteurised before you see it.
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Comments (96)
Doughrtry 4
You can't fix stupid.
Bibliovore 26
But you *can* fix ignorance.
Spadoinkle 10
It always amazes me at how dumb people can be. We have a whole world full of knowledge at our fingertips, and yet some people choose to ignore it and continue to believe the dumbest things. I still don't understand how so many people are like "The sun isn't a star. That's stupid. It's a sun, duh." Or the whole, "Wow, it's 2015. The earth is 2015 years old. Happy birthday, Earth!" I sometimes have no hope for the human race at all. I'm sorry, OP, but your girlfriend is just dumb. You should definitely let her google who Louis Pasteur was. If she still argues that you're wrong, then there's no hope for her.
TheNewGuy03 29
Google it and show her all the evidence. If she still vehemently denies everything even after that, then I foresee many an argument happening in the future...
worldclassrager 41
Do not get into devils food cake or devils spit hot sauce...that might make things worse
00arak00 11
Ydi because it is a stupid thing to argue about when everyone had a smart phone. Bam Wikipedia argument solved
gintwinsmoore 20
and you never saw this coming when you had your very first conversation with her????
wfacsc 13
You are right, but I like her idea better. Don't kill the dream, or do you care that much about being correct?
Ipsum629 13
wtf? pasteurization isn't just for milk.
justmeCee 16
Tell her to look up the word in a thing called the dictionary.
rockwrench 18
She's a keeper.