Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother offered me some chocolate milk. I took a few gulps before I realized the label said it was raw unpasteurized milk. When I pointed this out to my mother, she asked me what pasteurization is. We might get sick because my mother is the most horrifically ignorant and out-of-touch person on earth. FML
Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom, because apparently I'm an idiot for not sharing her belief that chickens are mammals. She has a university degree in this stuff. FML
Today, my girlfriend is angry with me. We had an argument on how to properly eat an Oreo. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, while working as a barista, a customer asked me for "gluten free milk". When I told her that most milk is gluten free, she flew into a fit of rage and cussed me out for being a "cheeky bitch". My manager then lectured me about not being "patronising" to customers. FML
Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML
Today, my mom claimed that lactose intolerance is a "myth" and told me to drink my damn milk because it's good for my bones. FML
Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML
Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML
Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML
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Top comments
Nadron 21
"May thy milk be blessed for thy thirst." Amen.
fakedsincerity 32
Oh dear. Tell her to do some Google research. Also have a milk related joke: Why is milk the fastest food? Because it's pasteurised before you see it.
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Comments (96)
Urpoppy 21
Dump worthy.
nitrog100 21
Doesn't matter, had sex.
rlak111 19
Wait I thought that's what it meant?
saffy66 34
Google is your friend and the final arbiter in situations like this one. Don't argue,just go with the umpire's decision!
hardy24 9
She sure sounds like a keeper
Nimor 25
/facepalm
the_steven 6
if you're gonna stay with this idiot, please pasteurize your genitalia.
Abhinow 7
i hope she doesn't believe that oral sex is two people vocalizing sex sounds.
mattbaker 17
dump that dumb girl. she's stupid
gsam99 20
That's nothing to argue over.. If you got into a literal argument over something that stupid, I really don't think you're going to work out relationship wise.