Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic, I tried taking her panties off with my teeth. I got a mouthful of pubes stuck in my braces. FML

Today, I got my braces off. I also got my tongue pierced. Both by my orthodontist. FML

Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML

Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's braces thought otherwise. FML

Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML

Skinny love

Today, my girlfriend told me that I have “too much foreskin” and that I’d need to get circumcised if we were going to stay together. I’m already circumcised. FML

Run away, now

Today, my girlfriend gave me a choice of having a circumcision or breaking up with her. Either way I'm going to lose something I hold dear. FML