Today, I was up late and heard my mother and her boyfriend come home. After a full minute of bed-creaking action, I heard him exclaim, "I did it! A new record, haha!" I can't get it out of my head. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend got really excited that he'd broken his own record; he can now last a full 2 minutes in bed. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, I woke up at 1:39 a.m. to my dad's phone going off, only to hear my parents having sex. It's now 2:12 a.m. and I can still hear them going at it. FML
Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
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Top comments
nzhx 23
F your mother's life
Welshite 40
Tomorrow it will be two minutes. And three minutes the day after. Isn't it wonderful that you get to witness such great personal accomplishments? You should congratulate him on his times each morning. Being out the stopwatch while you're at it.
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Comments (40)
kylo_117 17
Well that's not very pleasant....
Welshite 40
Tomorrow it will be two minutes. And three minutes the day after. Isn't it wonderful that you get to witness such great personal accomplishments? You should congratulate him on his times each morning. Being out the stopwatch while you're at it.
holyshmolly 13
Bring*
Welshite 40
Good catch. Autocorrect is a double-edged sword.
FitFriday 32
Better yet, give him pointers
kumarina 35
Bad for you, but I can't feel so bad for your mom
nzhx 23
F your mother's life
vikky538 29
For one minute!
vonvaski 18
Someone already did, apparently
Thoricsteam20 24
*Guinness busts through their door
heartbreak831 9
That's too funny!
AwkwardBookworm 27
Maybe it's time to invest in noise cancelling headphones
domolovesyoshi 33
Ear plugs
lexiieeex3 32
But if it's only for a minute would OP even be able to get them on in time?
annoyedperson 25
I'm guessing he lasted 45 seconds this time
fuckidontknow98 10
Maybe he's timing how fast he can get the mom to cum
seemetrot_fml 16
Gross gross gross. The thought of this makes me cringe haha
moocowmilk0 19
welp time to move out
Mathalamus 25
a full minute? that doesnt sound too good.