Today, I got back from a week long holiday with my new girlfriend. I started thinking about her whilst talking to my parents and reflexively cupped my mother's ass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg several times under the table with his bare foot. FML
Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML
Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "My mom is SO awesome." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. It turns out that one day, long before I met my girlfriend, I had a one-night stand with her mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML
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Top comments
UnidentifiedFun 37
**** your mother's life tbh
zach055 23
I honestly don't know how to respond to that. My brain isn't equipped to handle such information.
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Comments (133)
hasooon 24
Now I do understand what Reflexology means. Some people reflexes are functioned throw their foot instead of their brains
SebastianCT 14
How did she respond?
UnidentifiedFun 37
**** your mother's life tbh
Liamj774 36
Actually, please dont
BlackHawkSavior 28
Please explain what happened afterward...
Ichiya 29
He removed his hand and they never spoke of it again, except at family get togethers.
RedPillSucks 33
she looked him in the eye and smiled. they slipped off to a dark corner to reenact Harold and Maude
Aiden89 23
FYL man, we need a follow up. How'd your mom react?
Waxwell 21
"Today, my son cupped my ass. FML"
EvilTurtle 35
"Today, my son cupped my wife's ass. FML"
laden_swallow09 35
"Today, my boyfriend cupped his mom's ass. FML."
LuckBeNimble 19
"Today, my cup wife'd my ass' son."
miss_fluffybutt 17
"Reflexively" my ass. Wait ...
Unenunciable 14
Dude, there's no such thing as "reflexively cupping someone's ass". I think about my partner all the time without grabbing some random guy's privates. Think before you act.
zboot 8
Right. There is also no such thing as murder based on my personal experience of disliking lots of people and never killing them.
DanaeZee 18
..and then she laughed and said "Stop pinching me, dork!" (I am sorry but how stiff is your family? I guess mine wouldn't even notice because they'd think this is some stupid prank or fun) But FYL because you feel bad/awkward, lighten up, it was just a mistake :)
thaqueen_fml 15
What the hell is the matter with you? Why is that a reflex?