Today, my dad read that if you pass gas from both ends at the same time it will create a vacuum inside your body and you'll implode. I can't convince him otherwise. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, my dad was stupid enough to think that the kitchen sink is a good place to clean a gas tank. Now, the whole house smells of gas fumes and I'm about to pass out. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
Today, I ended up shitting myself when trying to pass what I thought was a small amount of gas, only for it to be diarrhea. I turned 37 last month. Never trust a fart, right? FML
Today, the janitor and I both had to tell a tenant that his upstairs neighbor cannot push gas into his air vent to constipate him, as that's not how gas, the human body, or our ventilation system, work. We told him repeatedly that he needed to see a doctor. About his constipation. He still wasn't sure. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML
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Top comments
Emmiii_fml 18
I don't see any faults in this 100% bulletproof theory. I shall remember this and never pass gas from both ends ever again. Imploding wouldn't be a nice death. Thank your dad for warning us!
bella_nana347 23
He probably read it on the internet. Everything on the internet is true
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Comments (59)
Sunflora219 26
Your dad is a special kind of cat flap, isn't he?
Tomato_Cheese 22
I got that XD
Abhimanyu 14
haha... I saw what you did there :D
rinzlerkitty94 31
You stole that from the Romanians. I guess we can forgive you.
hellnosucka 27
Oh no.. FML users are now sharing inside jokes. what is happening to the world??
Badkarma4u 17
I feel like I'm in a secret club now.
Wizardo 34
Little do you know this is exactly how the universe was created though.
helptheorphans 17
Everyone is making jokes about the FML, but if you do as his dad said, you WILL implode... I've tried it.....
domolovesyoshi 33
So you're writing this from the afterlife? Good to know you can keep your electronics.
Shadowvoid 33
What a gastronomical error on his part.
Emmiii_fml 18
I don't see any faults in this 100% bulletproof theory. I shall remember this and never pass gas from both ends ever again. Imploding wouldn't be a nice death. Thank your dad for warning us!
Host2phats 21
LIES!! Everyone knows women don't pass gas, therefore there is still a 100% possibility of this being true I've never even my ex fiance go the bathroom (other than to pee) #womendontpoop
crimsonclouds 19
On the bright side you seem to be more intelligent! Let people believe what they want to believe
dca101 23
I would pay to see that
El_Boxeador 14
There's only one way to prove him wrong...you know what you have to do OP!!
MortenM 17
I wouldn't do that. It creates a vacuum inside your body!
mds9986 24
Get the beans and soda ready.
bella_nana347 23
He probably read it on the internet. Everything on the internet is true
derangedplanet 23
I was thinking "he probably saw that on fml...." lmao
NonScaryPumkin 22
"Do you think people would just go on the Internet and just tell lies?" -Buster Baxter
mixximoo 24
No harm in him trying
bella_nana347 23
Well he could potentially create a vacuum inside his body, so there is that.
ryannmichael 17
Just take a vacuum to the front-end and back-end. Same thing. Nbd.