Today, I got back from a week long holiday with my new girlfriend. I started thinking about her whilst talking to my parents and reflexively cupped my mother's ass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg several times under the table with his bare foot. FML
Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML
Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "My mom is SO awesome." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. It turns out that one day, long before I met my girlfriend, I had a one-night stand with her mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML
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Top comments
UnidentifiedFun 37
**** your mother's life tbh
zach055 23
I honestly don't know how to respond to that. My brain isn't equipped to handle such information.
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Comments (133)
dideldoodles 17
....wow
JazzHandsFML 28
this comment greatly contributed to the FML, after reading this superb masterpiece I understood your point of view and suggestions
derangedplanet 23
It doesn't really deserve a lack of judgement. this person clearly wanted first comment. to comment at all is forfeit your right of fair judgement. to make the first comment into something that's even just annoying it exists it to forfeit your right to having a good day. be real with yourself. these people suck. comment to be funny or to carry a conversation. not to get your profile in the viewed section.
mds9986 24
Honestly I think this comment is perfect, I'm speechless too. Also, I don't see you contributing anything, 7.
muzy 23
#44's comment is a scathing indictment to the American education system. You have no idea how painful it was to read through that.
rldostie 19
I'm really hoping English is #44's second language.
Obito_Uchiha651 17
#44 your attempt to sound intellectual made my head hurt
OSMC 10
in response to #1s superbly thought out comment.. wow
kibster9 20
They say you try to find a girlfriend who resembles your mother.
MooseKnuckle503 11
Quite the opposite in my experience
jeromedupuis 7
that might be a bit to close to being the real deal...
hlewrn 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Hopefully she liked it
TheGreatPotato 19
I think that might make it even worse.
Soparot 29
@17 Well this is awkward Nice profile pic, long lost brother ;)
shay_serendipity 29
^ Why am I laughing so hard at this, oh god
Calingaladha 21
We need a location. It's probably okay if you're south of the Mason-Dixon Line.
foxy_grampa 19
Calling it a holiday instead of a vacation means he is likely from England or at least that area over there.
BrailynRaylynn 22
Oh, bless your heart! I live below the Mason-Dixon and that is definitely not okay, here! Just a little FYI for ya. Now, have a nice day.
RedPillSucks 33
@51 that plus the name accidentalnorman
lolhailsatan 23
For everyone joke about the south there is always one peeved southerner who is so determined to tell you you're wrong
bulletsinthewind 21
@81: Don't even bother trying to set them straight. It's a waste of time. These morons think down here's all about mudding, guns, ******* your cousins, and nothing more. Most of them have never even been anywhere in the south.
Calingaladha 21
I lived in Tennessee for ten years, and have also lived in Louisiana, Alabama, and Texas :)
laden_swallow09 35
^^ Good for you?
Calingaladha 21
Well, it was toward #81 and #90, about how I'd know nothing about the south. So yes, good for me.
bandaidstations 28
I have cousins in Kentucky that had children together...sometimes stereotypes exist for a reason.
simply_meeeee 26
What
photographer49 22
#5 the FML is pretty explicit so I don't understand what you could be confused about.
Joshawott 21
Hopefully it didn't get any more explicit than a mistaken ass-grab :P
xoamy906 25
Doubt she's confused, but saying what out of shock. I do it all of the time.
zach055 23
I honestly don't know how to respond to that. My brain isn't equipped to handle such information.
mld4657 28
even reflexively that shouldn't happen
MRS_SILVER 11
Yeah, I don't think OP has a very good excuse for this one
TheLastCenturion 19
I can only wonder how she reacted.
UncleCaitlyn 21
Are you guys into role play?
Wizardo 34
Oedipus complexes: Mother tested, kid approved.
derangedplanet 23
I flinched and cringed as I read this...I hope your children don't end up with such an awful fate as oedipus' family. poor antigone
xoamy906 25
This is definitely a brilliant card combination in cards against humanity
Wizardo 34
#67 got the CAH reference, all I can say is Ed Balls.