Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm so pale, my boss asked me whether I light up in the dark. FML
Today, I decided to get a spray tan. I'm now more orange than the current president of the United States. FML
Today, I came in to work looking very tan. I took Friday off to go to a friend's funeral, which was outdoors, and I tan very easily. Now my boss and everyone else thinks I lied about my friend's death to get off work on a Friday. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML
Today, it was lovely outside so I decided to tan outside. I burn pretty easily, so I put on sunscreen. I fell asleep on my side, so when I woke up, I had a massive burn on only one side of my body, with sunglass lines. Tomorrow, I have a job interview. I'm going to go in looking like a racoon. FML
Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML
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Top comments
teqifsha 0
Your fault
Jacobt24 19
You didn't correct her before she started spraying? YDI
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Comments (221)
SlickWillyTFCF 5
It's the middle of the summer, why don't you go outside and tan like a normal person instead of paying for some fake bullshit like an idiot?
soopafreak 11
Because you can't get skin cancer and wrinkles from fake-and-bake? You keep believing that... and I have some ocean front property in AZ I'll sell you for cheap too.
jvillan87 5
What's the asking price for that oceanfront property. I'll take it.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
While I definitely prefer being my feta cheese pale self, not going out in the sun and getting some color caught up with me eventually in the form of vitamin D deficiency. Chances are you're not getting enough of it either if you're pale.
Neshalicious84 0
yDI for wanting to.change urself... Thats what u get
Munchkin13 6
Did she know you were joking?
Mysanitywins 10
Clearly, or else no FML.
cBlackout 13
Sucks for you, snooki
THE_A_TEEN 28
YDI dude GOD DAMN IT someone did an oompa loompa joke... Aw the hell with it op I bet you look like the illigitimate love child of a human and an oompa loompa
SoNotForYou 5
That was f'ing stupid. Today I was at work and an idiot said he wanted a spray tan. I asked him what shade - he said the darkest. Well apparently he was kidding and now I am unemployed.
beauty2646 0
You seriously expected her to know you were kidding? Or are that obnoxious where you think its ok to be sarcastic to random strangers and expect them to pick up on it?
BelleBelle_fml 11
Nor is OP the brightest bulb in the tanning bed.
Majstr 23
So how she would kow witch color then.
sharleerose 4
The same way you know which "which" to use.
kgage88 0
well done sharleerose... well done...
smartypants96 3
You deserved it, lol sucks for you.