Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to get a spray tan. I'm now more orange than the current president of the United States. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, I bleached my hair for the new school year. Instead of blonde, it came out orange, making my hair look like a bloated pumpkin. FML
Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML
Today, I attempted to bleach my body hair so I wouldn't have to shave. A little while later, I realized that I'd also succeeded in bleaching my skin, which was incredibly noticeable. I'm hosting a pool party this weekend. FML
Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML
Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
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Top comments
Arashikage 18
Did you not look in the mirror between the time you got out of the tanning bed and when you got to school t
neuronerd 29
Do you eat a lot of carrots? I've only seen people look orange with spray tans, not natural tans.
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Comments (23)
Arashikage 18
Did you not look in the mirror between the time you got out of the tanning bed and when you got to school t
RichardPencil 32
What a covfefe! #MAGA
tonyfan00 38
Can we please let the joke die? There's no loner even a dead horse to beat anymore; it's been disintigrated by everyone by now.
neuronerd 29
Do you eat a lot of carrots? I've only seen people look orange with spray tans, not natural tans.
species4872 20
A tanning bed is not a natural tan.
neuronerd 29
It is in the sense of the fact that it's UV rays causing damage to the cells and affecting melanin production. Indoor and outdoor tanning use the same mechanism and are both harmful.
Royness 8
Ikr? Who turns naturally dorito?
species4872 20
Err no, not in a sense it isn't. Natural light, different spectrum, different intensities of "light" within that spectrum. Our bodies have evolved to natural light and produce melanin at a certain rate in response to natural light. Tanning beds have enhanced UV spectrum output which is inherently much higher than the production of melanin can cope with, which is why tanning beds are much more destructive. In short one would have to be an idiot to use one.
neuronerd 29
Incorrect. Tanning beds use primarily the UVA spectrum with some UVB, both of which are present in sunlight. Visible light, also in sunlight, does not produce the tanning reaction. You are correct that a greater amount of UVA rays are emitted than when exposed to natural sunlight, hence why a tan develops in minutes, not hours, but it is the same biochemical mechanism. You're arguing semantics at this point, as I'm sure you're well aware the difference I was pointing out was between natural as a physiological reaction vs basically dying the skin with a spray tan. I realize you're trying to sound intelligent, but you're being more pedantic.
species4872 20
My initial comment was solely directed to your reference to natural tans, not spray tans and your second comment implied that there was no difference between tanning from sunlight or a tanning bed apart from the fact that both are harmful. My second comment was in reply to the before mentioned statement pointing out that the UV output of tanning beds is such a high level in respect to natural light that their use is highly destructive as opposed to natural light. Hardly a pedantic distinction considering that there are still many unaware of the dangers that tanning beds, (even used properly), pose.
logank013 20
Good news is summer break is coming up soon. Give them some time to forget about this.
laowang 13
Tell me plz，what does COVFEFE mean？
Royness 8
Covfefe is what you exclaim when you drop your phone in the toilet
Fighter_Builder 11
Trump's misspelling of "coverage".
klutzyduck1 24
You must have also used a tanning cream with a bronzer, the bronzer is what would turn you orange. I think you're leaving out some bits, most likely you've tanned before and the bronzer cream has built up enough it looks obviously orange. Otherwise, if this was the first time, even at 9 minutes, it would be likely you'd burn a bit (hence the low max time). The new beds are extra powerful. So, if you don't want to look like an umpa-lumpa, either don't use a cream or use one without bronzer. However, tanning beds are terrible for you skin. Your face will thank you in ten years if you just stop.
RockPrincess26 16
Oompa-Loompa*
DataWog 30
I've used a bronzing lotion exactly once in my life, just for ***** & giggles. It didn't turn me orange, but for some reason it seemed to work more on the main skin colour than on my freckles... so for a couple days, instead of being white with brownish dots, I was brownish with white dots.
HollywoodUndeadL_fml 2
idk who the **** let you go in for that long. you're supposed to go for like 4 minutes at a time at first. like gradually work up or you can do bad damage or burn and go orange..
RockPrincess26 16
I heard that bathing with lemons helps to take off the bad coloring.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
You never start on the max setting your first time. You always start at like two minutes and work your way up to a longer duration. But really, tanning is overrated. Melanoma is a serious disease, FYI.
Sertorius 10
Commercial operation of tanning beds is prohibited in Australia, for good reason. They are extremely carcinogenic; at a minimum you are significantly accelerating the aging of your skin (ironic that people do it for cosmetic reasons). A tan is your body's response to cellular damage, it is not indicative of good health.