Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML
Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML
Today, I decided to get a spray tan. I'm now more orange than the current president of the United States. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
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Top comments
Rockmannerman 2
There is nothing wrong with being pale! I'd rather be white as snow than look like a leather handbag!
Doortje 30
You should do the same with hairdye. Apply it, go to sleep, wake up hours later and discover your green hair. You'll look like a walking carrot!
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Comments (150)
Rockmannerman 2
There is nothing wrong with being pale! I'd rather be white as snow than look like a leather handbag!
dragonaair 5
Me too. I think pale is beautiful!
SmallTownCutie 0
same! pale was a sign of wealth and beauty a few hundred years ago.
Doortje 30
Yeah, but so was being disgustingly fat.
SmallTownCutie 0
Disgustingly fat is obese. People were only supposed to be plump/chubby. Whether or not people from this generation understand it, having a little extra weight is okay, and even healthier than not having enough weight on you. Not being obese. But plump. Or thick as you could call it.
Doortje 30
If you look at the paintings from that time, people were not just plumb.
fearfulsymmetry 1
26: How about we find a medium somewhere? Not chubby, but not anorexic skinny. Somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. I always thought thick was another word for curvy. Not chubby.
SmallTownCutie 0
33- Thick isn't really chubby, you're right. And medium weigh is perfectly healthy too. Im saying that obese isn't healthy, but being chubby is, along with in between. I don't know, I'm tired right now, so im kind of rambling.
kofinater 3
Honestly, why do girl's think fake tans look attractive? I prefer natural looking skin, which would be pale in the winter and tan in the summer. My school just had a dance and there are tons of orange chicks walking around, shit is gross.
skittle68 0
49, just because you happen to have darker skin doesn't mean pale isn't beautiful. Ever heard of "porcelain white skin"? There is nothing healthy about a tan, especially for people with naturally alabaster skin like mine. It's just begging for cancer and wrinkles.
dragonaair 5
49 I can think pale is beautiful all I want. Don't press your opinion on me, because all it is is YOUR opinion. Personally, I hate tans. They DO look nice, but the cost for them is too great.
CaptainPat 0
Yeah, fat meant you were rich back then because it meant you had enough money to eat. skinny and starving was for poor people. The only reason people were skinny back then is if they were starving.
nathan5 0
I think Pokemon ears are beautiful too. And pink hair! NOT.
dragonaair 5
#113 Guess what? GOOD FOR YOU. I like my pink hair. And wow, insulting a person on their display picture in a discussion that is not related to it? That is low.
Arestian 14
or we can all just be happy with what we have...
TheAspieDork 27
Not to mention this person is from DENMARK, for crying out loud. Pretty much everyone in Scandinavia is naturally pale. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Zmeilerr 22
No you're a moron who's too lazy to go out in the sun
SmallTownCutie 0
you can't know that. I was outside the whole summer without sunscreen, and I hardly tanned at all. it all depends on the person.
docscientist 10
How is lying out in the sun not lazy? Think before you lambast someone.
skittle68 0
I was out in the sun every day over the summer disc golfing, swimming, rock climbing, camping, and hiking, but I stayed white because I wear sunscreen. Does that make me lazy?
Adree 15
Or they don't want skin cancer...
dragonaair 5
Reminds me of an episode of Scrubs...
dandawg69 0
If you like Within Temptation and Evanescence you should check out a band called Epica.
ninjanate 0
I remember tht episode.
dragonaair 5
I know abotut Epica but thanks for taking the time to tell me about it.
lyncecelia 13
I prefer to be pale. Most lotions do turn you orange though, especially if you put on too much.
xGraycloud 4
Um... who's your friend?
Aerious 0
I bet it's Snooki.
19nick97 0
This sounds like a movie
satomi_ishida 0
This is what you get when you rely on man-made products for something you can get for free. (:
DocBastard 40
Something you can get for free...oh, you mean skin cancer?
cradle6 13
Doc, I like your comments man but humans are meant to be in the sun. That doesn't mean you over do it, but we aren't vampires.
DocBastard 40
Read comment #27. I wish I knew what you meant by "humans are meant to be in the sun." If that were true, skin cancer and sunburn wouldn't exist. I treat skin cancer, and my first question is always "Are you a sun worshipper?" Invariably, the answer is in the affirmative. Everything in moderation, I understand. But even small amounts of direct sunlight increases the risk of skin cancer dramatically. These days there are very few advantages to direct sunlight, other than a sense of well-being.
kofinater 3
Meh, i don't get sunburn, I thin I'm meant for the sun :D
TheDrifter 24
What about the vitamin D doc? I thought that was the purpose of being exposed to sunshine? I will never be pale, wasn't born that way, but I don't spend enough time in the sun to get appreciably darker anywhere but my face and left arm.
DocBastard 40
You don't need a whole lot of vitamin D, and you can get it out of a bottle.
Doortje 30
But isn't it better to get it from the sun? I mean, you can get vitamine C out of a bottle, but it's still better to just eat fruit and vegetables, right?
eog314 0
whaT can u get for free? the sun? well some people on the east coast dont have sun right now...
Gabbie_1210 8
#81, just letting you know, the amount of exposure to sun that's considered "healthy" and enough to give you the right amount of vitamin D is about 10 minutes every day, even on cloudy days.
ScrabbleBabe2010 0
Cheap ones do that. Sorry. Also if you are very fair any of these just don't work as well. Go to the tanning bed.
PancakesEqualLov 0
that's worse than standing outside all day! retard.
docscientist 10
Yes, because that's going to work well in Denmark.
MassEffectNerd 0
I believe it is do-pa-de-do not "do-pa-de-ump"
RosiePatosie 0
SNOOKIE! I kid I kid. It'll wear off.
jess6blondie9 3
Don't hate on snookie!
ninjanate 0
I'd do snookie.