Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML
Today, I was looking at myself in the mirror and tried to touch my face. Unfortunately I have Tourette's, so my hand just uncontrollably slammed into my cheek, consequently jamming one of my fingernails into it. It started bleeding like crazy. My fingernails aren't exactly long, either… that's how hard it hit. FML
Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML
Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML
Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML
Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML
Today, I was on autopilot, walking out of the bathroom, and separated my pinky toe from the rest of my toes over the door frame. I dropped to the ground in pain, and my toe and half my foot still hurts hours later. FML
Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview, then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, only to see that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
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Top comments
jtthegr8 26
You're driving....why are you picking your nose?
astoryofroses 9
Note to self: don't pick your nose while driving. but that really does suck OP, hope you feel better!
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Comments (210)
rubbertoast 2
what r u five?
Awsumuzzie 12
Why? Are you looking for a friend in your age?
justspin 7
I think the bigger issue here is you wanting to pick your nose,not your fake nails. If you feel the need to get fake nails whatever. I guess some people need them for whatever reason.BUT NO ONE wants to see you pick your nose. No one. please grow up and act your age. Most people learn to not pick their nose by age 7. Also fake nails need to be clipped a little don't they?? Should they really be long enough to scratch that badly???
Isoldael 27
Almost everyone picks their nose, me included. As long as you don't put the boogers in any gross places, who cares? Those nostril sized appendices at the end of your hands are too convenient for this purpose!
xNephilim 19
What the hell is going on with all you people? I bet you're a closet picker. You probably go home and spend ten minutes trying to see if anyone is watching and then you start picking your nose.
doctorhook86 25
116: You like fake fingernails and you pick your nose whenever you're alone for 10 minutes. Anything else gross about you we oughta know?
escapeqnim00 2
did you learn nothing from Seinfeld?!
sharod101 5
Well if your eyes were on the road n you knew how to use the brakes you would've seen the bump n gotten over it well, or stopped picking your nose long enough. YDI
kemando 22
You guys have speed bumps on the road? Like outside of parking lots?
RedPillSucks 33
Some subdivisions have them to keep people from speeding
Pandacupcakelove 26
Fake nails AND picking your nose? How do you not deserve this?
chels1994 11
Tissues just don't cut it these days apparently
DragonzCreator 3
Hopefully you have an extra tampon in your bag, just don't reach for it while driving!
ciumegu 6
Yeah my mom always told me don't pick your nose blow
Pandacupcakelove 26
Did she ever tell you to put your shirt on?
nikkij99 3
Well for all of you saying eww to to her picking her nose, who gaf like you didn't pick your nose before? Even in public? Well all I can say is that I feel bad hope things are going to be all good girl :D ignore these immature ppl haha :P