Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML
Today, I was looking at myself in the mirror and tried to touch my face. Unfortunately I have Tourette's, so my hand just uncontrollably slammed into my cheek, consequently jamming one of my fingernails into it. It started bleeding like crazy. My fingernails aren't exactly long, either… that's how hard it hit. FML
Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML
Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML
Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML
Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML
Today, I was on autopilot, walking out of the bathroom, and separated my pinky toe from the rest of my toes over the door frame. I dropped to the ground in pain, and my toe and half my foot still hurts hours later. FML
Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview, then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, only to see that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
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Top comments
jtthegr8 26
You're driving....why are you picking your nose?
astoryofroses 9
Note to self: don't pick your nose while driving. but that really does suck OP, hope you feel better!
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Comments (210)
jboyajian86 1
Acrylic nails are for hookers anyways
darkyoshi_fml 3
yur full of bright ideas arent yu? lol
isis_morrigan 18
And "yu" introduced me to an even more annoying spelling of "you" than the typical "u". "yu" is pointless! Does it really take that much freaking time to type an"o"?
nikkij99 3
I currently have acrylic nails right now and I'm no where near a hooker or am going to become one you obviously have no idea
samanthajonesdru 1
There is a certain way to pick your nose with fake nails, just as you will have to adjust the way you type and wipe your ass.
fishboy123 7
you have a brain!?
K_kanaka 26
Did you forget how to do math?
monique8axel 6
-_- that's gross
soad2014 7
Everybody picks their nose, but fake nails? No. They look great on Peter Griffin, though. "Oh, hey Laronda! No I got four people on hold, but I can talk!" :D
AzzieC 12
Wooow u should have thought about that sooner
UsernameHere234 13
Your brain actually had no feeling so don't worry if your brain is bleeding you won't know (yay science)