Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML
Today, I was looking at myself in the mirror and tried to touch my face. Unfortunately I have Tourette's, so my hand just uncontrollably slammed into my cheek, consequently jamming one of my fingernails into it. It started bleeding like crazy. My fingernails aren't exactly long, either… that's how hard it hit. FML
Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML
Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML
Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML
Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML
Today, I was on autopilot, walking out of the bathroom, and separated my pinky toe from the rest of my toes over the door frame. I dropped to the ground in pain, and my toe and half my foot still hurts hours later. FML
Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview, then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, only to see that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
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Top comments
jtthegr8 26
You're driving....why are you picking your nose?
astoryofroses 9
Note to self: don't pick your nose while driving. but that really does suck OP, hope you feel better!
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Comments (210)
Eiregal2 10
I once got fake nails done because they were given to me as a gift for birthday. what a load of tripe! firstly,the chemical smell of the glue nearly made me pass out,she filed my own nails to shit and took forever to get the dam things on. secondly,they are seriously not for women who live real life's. they are for spoiled little princesses that have everything handed to them. I went to parish to be romantic with my guy. I was in the loo,could not open jeans button,had to call him to help! for rest of holiday he pretty much was my dresser! now I only wear the gel ones and only when in cosplay. there's your story for today my fml dearies!!!
taywee14 0
fake nails r not onley for spoild princess and you're an ashole for saying that! i get them often and i do real shit in my very real life u obviously went to a very crappy place to get urs done and they were probley to long causing difficulties dressing. dont judge ppl based on how they dress or what they look like u need to look deeper into some ones personality before opening ur mouth to insult ppl!
kissestoyouxx 0
Damn*????
_Peppermint_ 34
That's one of my ******* nightmares.
emilymaeve 8
'my car went over a speed bump' surely you should have been looking where you were going?
isaiaah 6
There are 2 ways you could've avoided this: 1. Pull over and pick 2. Blow your nose! Easily avoided. But quite frankly, just don't pick your nose.
powershock 4
Well, did you find any gold?
beastmode661 4
Dumbass
norotors 16
Your car went over a speed bump? No, I think you drove the car over said speed bump. sorry.
wastingtimeonFML 7
A few things to learn from this, kids. 1. Don't pick your nose. 2. Don't pick your nose while driving. 3. Don't pick your nose while driving AND you've got fake long nails.
taywee14 0
has anybody thought that by speed bump she might have gone over a pot hole??? those things r not always easy to spot! feel better op im sure ur brains fine :) ps: her nails have very little to do with it if she feels pretty with them on then thats all that matters !
isis_morrigan 18
Well considering she wrote "speed-bump" and not pot hole, and she was driving, I think it's a safe bet to assume speed-bump is correct.
Calyx_fml 22
What's with all the nose picker hate? Does anyone actually not pick their nose? Ever?! Bullshit. I'd say that the vast majority do on a regular basis. If you didn't where would all the dried mucus go? I don't even think picking it in public is all that gross. Spitting a giant loogie in public is far grosser. I'd rather see someone picking than hawking wouldn't you?
eccentrix 12
Those aren't the only two options.