Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML
Today, I was looking at myself in the mirror and tried to touch my face. Unfortunately I have Tourette's, so my hand just uncontrollably slammed into my cheek, consequently jamming one of my fingernails into it. It started bleeding like crazy. My fingernails aren't exactly long, either… that's how hard it hit. FML
Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML
Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML
Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML
Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML
Today, I was on autopilot, walking out of the bathroom, and separated my pinky toe from the rest of my toes over the door frame. I dropped to the ground in pain, and my toe and half my foot still hurts hours later. FML
Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview, then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, only to see that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
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Top comments
jtthegr8 26
You're driving....why are you picking your nose?
astoryofroses 9
Note to self: don't pick your nose while driving. but that really does suck OP, hope you feel better!
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Comments (210)
MDTeddy 13
Fake nails? What is wrong with the nails you have growing from your fingers?
firefly319 7
You don't know much about women, do you?
Mommyof2_91 10
I actually find fake nails annoying.
xNephilim 19
My mom has fake nails cause her natural ones are extremely brittle and tear super easily. And if you get the French manicure fake nails that aren't ridiculously long, they actually look very pretty. And natural.
floopyflooper 2
Never do acrylic nails look natural. They can be pretty, but pretty doesn't mean natural.
Wheredidgrungego 12
They really don't make you that much more attractive. I mean I've never looked at two girls of equal attractiveness and decided that one was better looking because of her fake nails.
MelissaMarie89 8
You know women don't always do things for herself to make a man notice we do like to pamper ourselves for ourselves!!!
racch98 7
Nails aren't intended to be attractive. As 55 said us girls need the pampering :D
RedPillSucks 33
What does having fake nails have to do with pampering?
princessAj1 6
Pampering make a women feel amazing and well put together. Idk about you but nasty chipped , dirty chewed up nails does not seems too appealing.
d_unsub 12
Ouch!!! Shame OP, but at least now you know what not to do while you drive
SkoomaKi 28
OP, you like having talons extending from your fingers? That's nasty *Cleveland voice*
olpally 33
Haha... I remember when Peter griffin had to adjust to his acrylic nails... Lmao, love that show :D
jwbfml 11
Those speed bumps just came out of nowhere huh?
Awsumuzzie 12
Those speed bumps come out of no where! Darn you diglett!
darwinism 30
That is not the classical way to perform a labotomy. Try a finger in each nostril while driving with you knees. That should do the trick. YDI, and stay off the roads. Thanks in advance.
RedPillSucks 33
Meh... Could have been worse. You could have been scratching your ass.
Chandler1Bing 0
You're sure the speed-bump wasn't a person?
linkinpark98 24
R.I.P little white kid on a tricycle....
Ceejay1 13
hahaha !