Today, I got a new roommate. I thought he was pretty cool until he mentioned how everything around us was a conspiracy. Then he asked if I knew how to make a bomb. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML
Today, I woke up to my roommate's friend rustling in the attic without permission to be there. When I asked how he got in with all doors and windows locked, he simply said, "It's a secret." FML
Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML
Today, I found out that my new roommate is dating my ex-boyfriend. FML
Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML
Today, when a discussion with my roommate veered into politics, he made it clear he thinks I'm an instrument of his oppression because I'm not a communist. I pay rent and utilities, and buy groceries. He and his wife take up most of the space in the apartment and I keep the secret that she never stopped cheating. FML
Today, my roommate woke me up during afternoon nap to tell me that I need to move out. His reason: "Our political differences will likely escalate to violence." FML
Today, my roommate broke into my spice cabinet so he could get high off of my nutmeg. FML
Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML
Today, yet again, despite the fact that I don't know anything about politics, I got roped into a political discussion with my roommates. FML
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Top comments
darwinism 30
Every time he says something, look from side to side and whisper "shhh, they might be listening".
sarah5745 41
Did you say yes?
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Comments (70)
Attacksloth 33
Don't worry, I'm sure you two will have a bomb together. I see a very explosive friendship starting. Just watch what you say, because it sounds like he has a short fuse. Also, keep in mind he's the nuke-kid on the block (okay that last one was cringe-worthy).
keiNan_fml 35
get rid of that guy ASAP
Wakachulak 22
A conspiracy nut in New Mexico? No way...
cmo333 10
Not so cool now huh?
pnaybeauty 4
Lol! Maybe he wanted to scare the crap out of you, which seems like he did. I would've played along just to be sarcastic but that's just me!
Nico_di_AngeloX 13
Kenji from Katawa Shoujo?
GentlemanBastard 15
Obviously, you're a reptilian since you didn't believe him. And they ARE listening...
aliciavanham 13
I wouldn't go te sleep if i were you....
Derpinboppin 13
Yeah, bombs are definitely a no no.
Derpinboppin 13
Well... Do you? lol
Stryker_13 19
Lock your door all the time and be careful with household objects! Either that or try to move out or have your roommate move out..