Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my roommate's girlfriend's best friend. A few hours later, they had me evicted. FML
Today, I found out that my new roommate is dating my ex-boyfriend. FML
Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML
Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML
Today, I found out when my new roommate said she was self-employed, she really meant unemployed. She insists that I let her stay for free or she will file a sexual assault case against me. Rent is due on the 10th. FML
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Top comments
06dopey 8
assigned to an assassin. nice
jennawill10 10
Ever watched The Roomate? Yeah, you probably shouldn't now! :-/
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Comments (120)
06dopey 8
assigned to an assassin. nice
runnamuk 6
I know the OP specified that it was random, but those odds make me doubt that....
Demonfish 14
OP should bring a peace offering, namely bacon and/or wine :)
yahoowizard 16
And then you got a free hitman at your disposal
SkyBirdy 5
Shes only an assassin if she kills famous people, cough*
starbucksguy 16
60:- assassins can be used to kill non-famous people too...
italiancows 8
Be careful! Tell the cops! If she threatend to kill me i would get her ass arrested!
MasterGamer591 13
DO NOT COMPROMISE THE BROTHERHOOD
lex1459 38
Sounds pleasant..
tellithowitis 13
And out of 10000+ fmls, yours gets chosen...
Deeznutzhairy 7
It's a small world after allllll, it's a small world afterrrr alllllllll , it's a small smallll world ._.
ferrousWheel 6
Falling asleep on the L key, #3?
FMLshark 12
I've doneeee that beforeeee. ... Shit, oops. Keeep falling asleeeep on the "eeee" key.
Akazuki 26
Scar: "Oh, Zazu, do lighten up. Sing something with a little more bounce in it" Zazu: "It's a smaaallll world aaaafter alllllll--" Scar: "NO, NO! ANYTHING but that one!" Zazu: "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedly-dee, there they are standing in the road...."
G1ZZY 0
and the r
khaayotic 16
You specifically ? Or would her reaction be the same to any other person who ended up being her roommate ?
ladyLALAA 29
"A girl who threatened to kill me." Pretty sure it was OP, yes. I don't think the death threat had anything to do with being roomies.
ebdeadaccount 11
Forgive me for my cluelessness but what is 'OP' exactly?
IndieApathy 21
#49, you must be new to FML. It means Original Poster (unless I'm severely mistaken), and is used in reference to the person who wrote the FML... :)
thisisafunnyname 12
51 is lying, it means Orgy Pooper, as in someone who poops during orgies
Iknoweverything 29
You know, when I started on FML, I would NEVER ask "who's OP?" I went on to Urbandictionary, and looked it up myself. I don't know why people keep asking. It's not that hard to find stuff out, you're already on the internet, LOOK IT UP! Yeah, I'm mean, but I'm sure I'm not the only one thinking it either.
Eiregal2 10
Original poster
Keevarou 17
"I want to play a game.." So, let the games begin!! But serious mode on: you should talk to the landlord or such and see if you can get assigned to another room In those cases, it should not be a problem:) So good luck and FYL :/
petraphotoDOTca 6
yeah! just find another mismatched pair and make the changes yourself ...THEN tell the school/landlord (they'd rather make administrative changes than deal with other people's issues)
zm0nster 2
Maybe OP did something to make her say this..?
jennawill10 10
Ever watched The Roomate? Yeah, you probably shouldn't now! :-/
Roevera 14
whatever you do! Don't bring an innocent kitten into your place! Or make sure there are no laundry facilities near by.. :(
hthelittleone 10
^ and don't wear a belly ring.
polkadots123 2
Make sure u don't show her your tattoos. Hope u don't have a bad relationship with ur ex?
igive 29
what did you do that would make her want to kill you?
rendezvous1111 3
That was what I was wondering.
kandi_kid69 15
Probably stole her bacon and ice cream. >:I
downtime 13
I get the feeling that whatever it was, it was probably something stupid.
A7x4REVer 3
If someone stole my bacon and ice cream, I'd do a little more than kill them...I would brutally slaughter them, then steal their soul
skygirl_01 5
Even though this makes it easier for her to kill you it also makes her more of a main suspect if she ever did kill you, I think
niharika 4
Are you still alive? That means you are gonna be safe with her.
peachesncreem 21
You never know.. She could be studying OP's every move, secretly plotting away.. Waiting for the perfect time to strike.. Sorry. Too muct crime tv :)
thiscrazything 1
That's why OP should strike first.
anoellem 1
Well that's unfortunate...
VictoriaSchultz 8
That's the point of FML..
anoellem 1
No shit Sherlock
MysticKnight 3
Your face is unfortunate.
florido_fml 10
Lol smily face