Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, a woman accused my husband of being a pedophile because he was at the playground with our daughter alone. To make matters worse, our daughter punched the woman in the face, so now she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago, my four year-old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
fleamo_fml 0
And you're POSITIVE she meant 'puter?
aerials_fml 0
Ah, that's pretty funny. Pretty awkward too. FYL.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (149)
Sir_Swaggington 6
You should double check. I'm not trying to be rude, but people tend to under estimate kids and assume they don't know what they're talking about.
saraitkddh 47
this is gonna be a funny story to tell in the future
ChelzTheWolfGirl 29
I would just laugh and explain it to them. It's a common thing for little kids to mix up words or mispronounce things. I'm sure they'll understand and laugh with you about it.
pkts11 16
Kids say the darnedest things
s3kShUn47 20
Dude that is so terrible xD
thebosnian 11
Who says puter?