Today, I got a call from my 8 year-old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "Sex". My son is 16. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML
Today, I just got done being yelled at by my son's headteacher and a bunch of parents, all because my 6 year-old son has been arranging kiss dates between his classmates in exchange for sweets and so on. My little pimp in training. Not a proud dad moment. FML
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML
Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML
Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML
Today, my 10-year-old son told me that sometimes he wishes that he could be a girl, so that he could masturbate more easily in public. FML
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Top comments
splice520 4
future pimp
enonymous 9
So did the teacher get a discount?
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Comments (455)
Yaqui_fml 9
Entrepreneur man...
kkalia3 0
lol...... u r right
Laughing_Cow 0
what would you get for a dollar?
dunner12 0
I love how they're paying him... kids awesome, I have to buy girls drinks to get them to do that
Jizwold 0
i find that ruffies work the best but u do still have to buy them a drink to put the ruffies in
mismonroe 0
Not if you stalk them waiting for the minute that they let their drink out of their sight for a moment. Since you're willing to roofie, I doubt stalking is past you.
j2013t 0
dont give them ideas
kingjames2306 0
your a failure to this earth you need to fall off of it jiz
cookiemonster144 0
if that's really you, your the most gorgeous man I've ever seen
Pinkanani 12
Lol, I know right? Anyway, you get the point!
iPunchedBigFoot 5
Smart kid.
Pinkanani 12
I mean about the "an call" not the gorgeous part. I prefer dark hair with blue eyes, like my incredibly gorgeous and sexy husband! We've been married for six years and he still gives me the butterflies!
TheNewGuy03 29
deuce bigalow. |the kid|
FMLoverAgain 7
you turn me on so badly
sarapsosis 1
( Joey voice) how you doin? ;-)
TheNewGuy03 29
oh yeah? i turn me on, too. ;) |the kid|
mismonroe 0
FML forum ****. Yessss
jordanp17 3
mismonroe yes I'll eat you
mismonroe 0
How sweet.
TheNewGuy03 29
actually, it doesn't have a cheesy, meaningless plo-- oh wait, it does. scratch that. |the kid|
mismonroe 0
I can use my imagination.
TheNewGuy03 29
the better your imagination is, the more exciting it gets! so, please; imaginations are highly encouraged! |the kid|
amoss12 0
what a man!!! haha.
Mysanitywins 10
Total win.
xdust 4
your kids a genius