Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Today, after work I came home to find my sons trying to use my tampons as Nerf darts. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML
Today, I got a call from my 8 year-old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML
Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML
Today, my brother woke me up by hitting me in the face with a rubber dildo. FML
Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML
Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
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Top comments
isquaredkeepingitreal 24
I'm surprised by the lack of comments and that I agree has double the votes than YDI.
really_dad? 14
good luck in the future
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Comments (2)
really_dad? 14
good luck in the future
isquaredkeepingitreal 24
I'm surprised by the lack of comments and that I agree has double the votes than YDI.