Today, I went to the hospital as my girlfriend's emergency contact. When I saw her, she was under a blanket because she had no pants. She had a seizure in a guy's bed and he brought her here. He's here and she wants us both to stay. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML
Today, I had to call 911 and explain to the operator that my girlfriend orgasmed so hard that she had a seizure and passed out. FML
Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke up very early in terrible pain. I drove her to the hospital and fell asleep in the waiting area. When I woke up, my car was gone and it was 9am. She had assumed I just walked home (32 miles), so she took the car. I was the only one in the waiting area. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She also had a bruise on her leg due to her friend biting her. I spent the night in the hospital to be there for her and support her, but I should have expected that the nurses would treat me like a criminal. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I cancelled our date tonight. I cancelled because I had a seizure and was taken to the hospital. FML
Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut on his finger. FML
Today, I went to the hospital due to extreme sickness. My boyfriend saw this as an opportune time to take another girl out since I was "otherwise preoccupied." FML
Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11pm to her garage where we started to have sex. When she came to climax she slipped and hit her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down; we were both still naked, and she was unconscious. FML
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Top comments
unfortunate_13 5
and you listen to her?? just leave and never come back.
enonymous 9
Seizure? or the most mind blowing ****** she has ever had and she wants you to take notes? I'll let you decide
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Comments (241)
zinoxity 23
Haha, must be some really hot sex.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
iv heard of some extreme ways to avoid anal, but this takes the cake.
ydi_4_suking 20
man what kind of crap is that. i say ydi for being a pussy and staying enough to see the guy instead of just walking out
klonopin_ftw 0
must not have taken enough of me then. if she did, she woulda got away with it.
xx000o 27
I would tell the guy that brought her in that she has an STD, and ask if she had him use a condom, then see how long he stays around.
insanesna1l 0
he may not have known she already had a boyfriend. threaten him with a used syringe just to be sure
GigglePony 13
#33 knows how to handle life.
chell1894 13
7, haha epic
SunshineBoy21 0
You are all missing the point. Everyone is saying dump her, leave her, punch her, punch him - but, if he does that he'll get caught on the hospital's cameras. If he acts concerned and stays by her side, he looks like a hero and an amazing man. That way when they all leave the hospital and he kills them both and chops them into little pieces - he won't be a suspect because the hospital staff will recall how loving and caring he was. lol
FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29
#100, Pure genius.
MissBunny25 0
punch her in the ovaries
persianjr 15
would that hurt?
MissBunny25 0
yes, yes it would.
ydi_4_suking 20
the ovaries are the female testicles. so of course getting punched there would hurt
maa_rico 4
but punching her in the ovaries would mean he has to fist her pussy first, reach all the way to her ovaries and voila! punch her in the ovaries, it is genius because first he gives her pleasure the he hurts her, you little evil genius you.
zinoxity 23
...Why are you replying to my comment? At least stay on topic.
afroninjashuffle 0
karmas a bitch isn't it?
Hiilikew 5
TWILIGHT SEX!!! haha
nateb1tch 1
I woulda said to F off and take your stuff and never see her again
tjv3 10
I think that it should read "my newly ex gf" I would dump her
ScarecrowB1 0
171. Spot on.
Hard_Luck_Aussie 4
kinda funny but also not so funny I had a girl few years back that had seizures never had one in bed with me but had them at my house and while out with me, also had one while in bed with a mate of mine after we broke up
jc302406 3
obviously you don't possess the skills to make a girl seize in bed lol
XxDevilxXGt 26
Or the skills to write a non-run on sentence. Heh.
jdawgg92 1
Or the skills of punctuation and capitalization.
acr0293 0
and your all a bunch of stuck up **** suckers :)
ImKindaABigDeal 6
Wait they are stuck up and they suck **** or they suck cocks that are stuck up?
chell1894 13
^this whole this is just hilarious.. it just gets better and better
skorpien 1
83 - And* you're*
pbutt209 0
^ Nazi
iliketurdles 7
^^ and you're a butt.
HugoBosss_fml 0
You're cool.
skorpien 1
96 - A butt? Really? If you're going to try to offend me, at least put some effort into it.
skorpien 1
Unless that was meant for 95 (as their comment has already been moderated), then never mind.
awardZu 0
Grammar Nazis, ATTACK!!!!
L0veRebeccaBlack 0
Grammar Hitler-DEAD!!!
ChaCerCam 14
unless you're also good friends, GET THE **** OUT OF THERE WHILE YOU CAN!
unfortunate_13 5
and you listen to her?? just leave and never come back.
Kolden 11
hell yea!
kingtz 6
Dump the bitch! Punch her in the head before you leave so she gets another seizure.
justalilrandom2 4
Get out your iPod or iPhone, get the strobe light app, set it off and walk away. Make sure you take it with you by the way, just thought I'd clarify if you weren't sure.
stu1983 0
hahaha yes
lesdodis 0
lmfao that's what I was thinken
lesdodis 0
#43
LetItRise 0
I wouldve punch her in the throat, and drop kick that other dude, shit ain't right
MissBunny25 0
kick her in the babymaker!
Colin466 0
Make sure she never can never have sex again! Put some superglue on her *****(Get her one if she doesn't have one) then stick it up her cooter! Cork that bitch!
Tuesdays76 0
Dude you freak me out. ^^ Ever considered therapy?
justalilrandom2 4
Pepper spray her vag and walk out of there...
killerpenguin4 9
no you're supposed to shove tube sealant up her ass and then feed her laxatives
Lauinater 4
indeed
MellyLuck1484 7
no obligation to stay whatsoever. Tell her that she's no longer your gf, and tell the other guy that this happens every time she has sex.
enonymous 9
Seizure? or the most mind blowing ****** she has ever had and she wants you to take notes? I'll let you decide
ruben_A_ruiz 0
Rofl nice one man
Flutist 3
I think you most likely stayed. I hope you broke up with her.
Crowleyyy 0
kill her. seems logical.
Leftieswillrule 3
^ yes
aardvarkish 17
Death by stoning, of course.
xFuZioN 0
punch her in the cooter, punch the guy in his tiny wiener and run!
dunner12 0
lucky guy, I'd just hang on and ride it out. I know it's called the rodeo when your hitting a girl from behind, reach up, cup her breasts, say "wow these feel just like your sisters" and see how long you can hold on. I don't know what this is call... the electric bed??
enonymous 9
Bucking bronco.
xXHIxxxHATERXx 2
rawhide!
Fuzzbump 5
!!!!!!!!!!Leave!!!and never return!!!!!
Tuesdays76 0
best picture award! ^^
musicfreak9821 6
exactly what I was thinking!
runeblade 0
call her parents to get the **** down there, and tell them why you're leaving
MEF62 5
Agreed. When will men learn they don't HAVE to do anything just because a woman said it?
Naitras 15
because women get pissed when we don't do what they say... it's a can't win scenario
Chad_the_Brony 0
He can win. By leaving and never going back. But I see where you're coming from.
nikkilynne 0
I say gtfo dude. But I guess that's pretty obvious. :)