Today, I got a call from a girl I dated long ago, who cheated on me and got pregnant by another guy, or so we thought. Turns out it isn't his, and she is taking me to court for child support. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's one year old. FML
Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML
Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend for another girl. This other girl helped me break up with her so we could date. After it was all done, she promptly rejected me and in front of everyone, saying how much of a douche I was for leaving my girlfriend for another girl. FML
Today, a rumor was spread around that I was dating somebody. I confronted the person who everyone thought I was dating, and asked him about it. He also thought we were dating. FML
Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML
Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend, who I dated for 6 years, is getting engaged to my friend. The very same "friend" who's been encouraging me to break up with her for the past year. FML
Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce. She also confessed that she has been cheating on me with my best friend for 10 years. I appreciated the honesty, but was slightly upset considering we have only been married for 9 years. FML
Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML
Today, I found out the guy that my girlfriend introduced as her brother was actually her boyfriend. I also paid for him to come out with us to the movies several times. FML
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Top comments
AngelLovesDerby 10
Whoa... What a Bi*ch... Get a DNA test homie!!
Vagitarian1 10
Paternity test. Now!!!
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Comments (164)
AngelLovesDerby 10
Whoa... What a Bi*ch... Get a DNA test homie!!
ashalayx 13
homie? you dont even know him 'dawg'
Dracoboxer357 36
^Agreed. DNA test or GTFO. :p
golden_warrior 23
fo' shizzle my nizzle
mkcontrollers 11
If you never put your name on the birth certificate. She can't get you for back child support I should know I'm in the same battle right now
alycion 39
Depends on area for that. Some areas, all a girl has to do is point the finger. Those saying DNA tests are correct. If it is your child, regardless of how the mother is, man up and take responsibility. Don't be an absent father or you will miss out on something special. But know for sure first.
ForwardUn2Dawn 18
And if the DNA test comes up positive you can change your name and get a job loading freight... In India...
jazzy_123 20
Who knows, we might see them on Maury!
The1CalledGOAT 11
if it is his, turn it back on her and get custody, if he is capable of caring for the child.
IloveToLaugh143 21
No Bitch. S W E R R V E.
nela25 23
Maury: Opens envelope. "You are NOT the father." OP: *does a backflip*
JohnTheLad 13
Tis' the thought that counts.
cgart96 15
How did you manage to get two #1 comments?
Thejackel79 9
Is the child yours or someone completely different. Either way FYL.
Enslaved 38
**** that other guy's life she pinned this on too. Most likely he'll have to continue to pay child support regardless that it's not his child. Courts don't care-- especially if he first accepted responsibility for the child. It's sad that a lot of guy's get screwed in our court system. Gotta be careful with whom you have sex with. It might bite you in the ass!
Zimmington 21
"18 years, 18 years, she have 1 of yo kids got you for 18 years"
BrianneL2312 7
Actually #45, depending on the state, both could be screwed. When my husband and I first met he had a 2 year old. Long story short, wasn't his kid, he offered to continue supporting the child as if he were still the father, and the court said no (even though there was no other father in the picture). Lawyer up OP, this won't be fun :(
incoherentrmblr 22
Smells like a scam...
Vagitarian1 10
Paternity test. Now!!!
golden_warrior 23
Maury, Maury, Maury !!
JMichael 26
No! Steve! Steve! Steve!
Mauskau 36
Alan, alan, alan!
HJKM_fml 19
Exactly. She can't force you to pay w/out positive confirmation from a DNA test.
thatnucca 36
I seriously hope it ain't yours OP...
blaherman 12
this is for op, if it's been two years and the other guy already assumed the role of a father then you may not be liable here, what I suggest is get in contact with a lawyer that deals in ffamily law.
Slavgaard 16
No glove...no love...no support!
carleybeak 21
Wrap in latex or she's gunna get your paychecks
cheshirecat13242 32
Yep--wrap it before you tap it!
Zimmington 21
Safe sex is great sex better wear a latex
synsam 4
bump and grind, no it ain't mine, I'll take a test in court you'll leave stressed with no support, depressed with no retort, you won't be impressed by the report, itll be revealed that it was incest of course.
IDontKnowWhoIAm04 24
Well, rubber breaks. Maybe he did wear one, or maybe she went all "overly obsessed girlfriend" and poked holes in the condoms.
dohdohdoh 13
Up the bum no babies!
Huddisher 10
Unless he has a latex allergy...
lilsubbrat1213 22
dont you love it when a bimbo screws you twice? hate girls like that . sorry hon
NeatNit 33
Damn... Is it definitely yours? If there's any chance at all that it isn't, do a DNA test. Child support is the most bullshit concept in the legal system... There are so many cases where it's not right.
Welshite 40
And there are some cases where it's desperately needed. My mother was a single mom trying to support her children. I hate to think what would have happened if it hadn't been for the court-mandated child support my father was forced to pay. It was basically his only contribution to my entire upbringing.
harinakshi 4
what's bullshit is a 23 y/o guy knocking up his 18 y/o gf, then running off to hide behind mommy and daddy pretending nothing ever happened. And even 10 years later he only pays a pathetic amount to avoid jail time since having his license suspended for several years wasn't enough initiative to not be a deadbeat.
wiccaantje 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
@Welshite There are some cases where the mother acts like she is the only parent and then she should be the only one having the responsibility. How would a lot of custody battles be solved: by connecting allimony towards time allowed to spend with kids. A bit more difficult if one parent would want to spend less time then 50/50 to make less payment but there are other solutions to that besides the system we have now. Offcourse there should be a minimum to keep the situation liveable, but on the other hand allow the other parent to spend time with his/her kids if you are worried about having enough money to live. How that would work in your situation with a neglecting parent: your mom would offer 50/50 parenting, because your dad sounds like an asshole he would either not spend time with you guys or neglect you during that time. In case of neglecting the time get's taken away, but he will have to keep paying (like the situation is now automatically if you didn't neglect your kids), if he doesn't want to spend time with you, he's paying either way. At the moment the parent with the most time also get's the most allimony (wich is needed to raise the kids), but there are a lot of cases of unfair division of custody or even parent alienation. In some way the person who raises the kids needs the most money, on the other hand the other person who wanted to have custody of the kids doesn't get equal custody while having to pay enough to keep the comfort of the parent with the kids (and children) high. If you divide the money by time the parents are more inclined to share the kids fairly and it will be nececairy to pay the bills. At the moment there are no punishments for alienating your child from his other parent (well there are but it never get's enforced). How fast would that end if the allimony would be connected to the time spend with the children? Yes deadbeat parents excist, offer them the time, they don't take it and get to pay anyway. There are also other solutions for all the other problems with my proposal, still a better one that the one that excists now.
Norvi 26
It's sometimes better for the children NOT to have to spend time with one of their parents. I can see how it could be terrible for the child - "honey, I know is horrible to you, but I need to pay for school".
Rainhawk94 27
Sorry down voted 31 for such a long comment.
TheDrifter 24
It would be nice in cases where one parent denies the other visitation, even when it is court ordered. No visits, no paychecks.
dryersheet 11
Yes but there's also cases where the mom refuses to work, lives off welfare and relatives, lies to the courts and the dad foots the bill..all while never seeing the child because mom doesn't want him to
evilplatypus 39
86 - That happened with my brother-in-law. The mother doesn't even HAVE the daughter (she lives with her grandma) but my BIL still has to pay the mother child support because she "legally" has custody. And my BIL can't see his daughter ever because the grandmother is transient and constantly moves because she can't/won't pay rent. My BIL tried to get custody, but the court attorney asked the daughter where she wanted to live and, of course, she said she wanted to stay where she was because her grandmother never gave her any rules/boundaries. Even at twelve she was staying out all night at guys' houses. He has two kids with my sister, but all the money that should be going to raise take care of them goes to his ex's various drug addictions in the form of child support. Even though they're together, my sister was debating taking him to court for child support simply so the amount that goes to his ex would get cut way down.
finalyearsofhate 22
#31 I don't think you know the difference between alimony and child support... Time for some research.
geekchick88 17
31 - I downvoted you because the point you were trying to make is rambling, unclear, and even after reading your comment a second time, I still can't seem to discern what it was.
nannyRayRay 14
Can we all just say this system is messed up, sometimes it works but a lot if times things are not done with enough attention or understanding and people, children get hurt
SpicyDuck 22
Get a paternity test before you let her do anything.
betweenwinds 18
Wow, that snake bites from both ends. Take a paternity test, first and foremost, then explain what happened in court. It probably won't do anything, but it never hurts to try! Best of luck.
ahh_rats 15
****!