Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML
Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML
Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML
Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
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Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
That's snot good.
UnidentifiedFun 37
Upon reading this FML I think I cringed harder than I ever have in my entire life. Fyl
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Comments (129)
WCARlover 35
so apparently there's another option now...spitting, swallowing, and sneezing. You the real MVP, OP.
CoGhostRider 31
You forgot gargling.
vampireeyes 3
That ******* is nothing to sneeze at ^^
Le_ponderer 14
It's a feather in you cap that you made him come. Next time when he's about to climax, you pull back and lick the tip only; so the come dribbles down your chin instead of up your nose. Some guys get off on the image, so it's still a plus and you can have a shower together afterwards; wherein he can return the favour ;-)
fatal4life 10
I did that once. I got so scared lol
RoseCrystal 17
Your username is hysterical
XXFMLXXQUEENXX 29
How the hell did that happen?
FitFriday 32
Well, are you sure you want to know? Are you really really sure?
MortenM 17
OP described it quite clearly - in one gap, out another.
UH60 26
Is your boyfriend's name Dylan by chance?
FitFriday 32
Nope his name was Dick
UH60 26
It was supposed to be a Friends With Benefits reference with Timberlake's character sneezing every time he has an ******
piemanfood 19
I'm sorry but this may be one of the funniest things I've ever read
kent123654 14
I read that as brother for some reason
dutchy86 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
you should prevent that you're boyfriend can build up so much semen...--> give him more often a BJ (ydi)
DjeePee 25
She shouldn't do jack shit. Boy probably has hands too.
expertsmilee 26
I would argue that masturbation does little to nothing in the way of stemming the urges for an actual person you have an attachment to. Suggesting someone to jack off in leu of actual sex, to me at least, is like telling someone addicted to meth to just go smoke weed instead. I agree with 22 to an extent.
DoomedGemini 38
That's too bad, a woman isn't your personal ******* sex toy. If a guy gets a *******, he should be thankful. She isn't required to do it. Neither parties are required to do anything like that for each other. If your partner doesn't feel like sex or oral, take care of yourself or suffer with it. And the addiction comparison doesn't work at all unless you ARE addicted to sex, which you should seek help for.
ballislife2324 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
47, u are overreacting chill it's not like the boyfriend was begging the girl decided to give him a BJ and I bet u he is thankful and is probably laughing right now cuz that's funny
dutchy86 20
iam not saying she must do anything at all... sex should always be free and fun. ydi...sarcasm?... (anyone!?)
DjeePee 25
Your sarcasm is exquisite. Though mine is better.
Setareh23 34
#40 but the comment wasn't talking about the way to feed the emotional urge behind sex, but simply as a way to reduce the literal amount of semen. If the guy masturbates on his own before, he can still have sex with her later (thus getting the "human" side to it) and will have made giving a ******* easier for her in the process. It's about being considerate for your partner. And as someone said, if you are as addicted to sex as someone is to meth, then you have a serious problem and need to get help.