Do it again

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

Bad timing

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML

Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML

That'll do it

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

No nut will do that

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

Our anniversary

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

New Romantics

Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML

Close but no BJ

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML