Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML
Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML
Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML
Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
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Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
That's snot good.
UnidentifiedFun 37
Upon reading this FML I think I cringed harder than I ever have in my entire life. Fyl
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Comments (129)
hordriss 14
On the bright side, you clearly did a good job.
spidaman 14
sounds like a Saskia Story ?
Grayness_ 26
Lmfao. Thank you for posting this. It made my coworkers and I laugh. :)
PrideOfTheFallen 19
Probably not gonna do it again huh?
Richard6036 13
That is really gross I think it's right up there with two girls and a cup
MonstreBelle 29
Personally, I would much rather sneeze semen every single time I have sex than shit in a cup, eat it, puke it back up, and then go back for seconds only one time
samlovesham1234 9
I guess he really enjoyed it
sporty061200r 8
Fellas.. Looks like we have a keeper
KingPinkiepie 15
At least that shows ur good at oral?
allforfun 23
This is the funniest fml in a long time hahahaha
Harrycompany 11
You got served some splatterbatter. YDI