Today, I was walking through the woods when a flasher popped out of the woods buck naked, smoking a cigarette. I ran away as fast as I could. I later went to an animal shelter, looking for a dog to go on walks with me. The flasher worked there. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML
Today, I decided to go for a swim in a river to cool off. Not having a bathing suit, I went in nude. After a refreshing swim, and coming back to shore completely naked, I was greeted by a shocked young woman walking her dog. FML
Today, while walking my dog, I saw a hot guy so I tried to look chill. My dog chose that exact moment to take an enormous dump. I didn’t have any bags. The dude stared while I pretended to check my phone until he walked off. FML
Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I started to head back in, I saw a shadow move across my bedroom window. I live alone, so I waited outside and called the police. They came and investigated, only to drag my naked boyfriend out, where he promptly dumped me. I forgot our 2-year anniversary. FML
Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML
Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML
Today, I got lost in a car park, late at night, unable to find my car. I started panicking, so I called my dad. I sat down to catch my breath. After about 2 minutes, I heard a noise. I looked up to see a guy jerking off while watching me. He smiled, so I instinctively threw my backpack at his junk and he ran off. FML
Today, I was walking down a path in the woods behind my house when I saw a squirrel. It ran away, but little did I know it wasn't running from me, it was running from the dog that had forced Animal Control to sweep the area. I ended up with stitches in my leg. FML
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML
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Top comments
debbyman13 21
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RichardPencil 32
You need to get a big dog ... from a different shelter. The perv might have befriended the dogs and they might not protect you in the woods. Train your dog with hot dogs for catching balls. For your next walk.
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Comments (6)
debbyman13 21
Report them
RichardPencil 32
You need to get a big dog ... from a different shelter. The perv might have befriended the dogs and they might not protect you in the woods. Train your dog with hot dogs for catching balls. For your next walk.
Nikki 17
Maybe it’s his brilliant way of making more people adopt dogs, to feel safe when walking in the woods. You don’t want a puppy, they won’t be threatening for months!
Marcella1016 32
Was that a flasher or a nudist? Flashers tend to run by quickly or open their trenchcoat to reveal their bare body or something. He sounds like he was just a naked dude in the woods having a cig and communing with nature.
Plop 17
Yeah, I might just be stupid here, but it really doesn't seem like the guy intended to be scary, dangerous or otherwise. OP's reaction is obviously understandable nonetheless, but I don't think people should be too quick to accuse the "flasher", who may just have been, as you pointed out, an innocent nudist.
geerod 16
How were you able to recognize him with clothes on ? 😂
DanielleinDC 34
"Oh, hello, for a second I didn't recognize you with your pants up."