Today, my strictly religious parents found my vibrator. I’m a man and when they found out I masturbate with a penis shaped vibe up my ass they went Catholic nuclear on me. I'm trying to ignore them but they have sent up camp in my living room and refuse to go home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, I found out that my parents like rough sex. I found the whip and handcuffs. FML
Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML
Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Today, I found out that my parents are extremely active swingers by finding their online profile with photos of my mom with a dildo. I guess those out-of-town trips weren't just holidays. FML
Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML
Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't agree to convert to their new brand of Christianity. This is a day after they ranted at me about how I should speak my mind more and not let myself be controlled by other people. FML
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Top comments
SirEnigM0nk 22
That is messed up...you gotta get them out of your place as soon as you can. If this means invoking the cops, so be it. BTW- Catholic Nuclear sounds like an excellent name for a rock band.
dreams2383 20
sounds like you are an adult with your own place. if they don't leave call the cops. they can think whatever they want but you are a grown man and can do whatever you want.
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Comments (4)
SirEnigM0nk 22
That is messed up...you gotta get them out of your place as soon as you can. If this means invoking the cops, so be it. BTW- Catholic Nuclear sounds like an excellent name for a rock band.
MidnaLink 35
The last line implies they live separately, also implying the parents snooped. I agree with the rock band thing.
SirEnigM0nk 22
Thanks for the feedback. I edited my comment accordingly.
dreams2383 20
sounds like you are an adult with your own place. if they don't leave call the cops. they can think whatever they want but you are a grown man and can do whatever you want.
D J's MOM 17
how did they find it if you don't live at home? if they snooped through your private things in your own home then I would go nuclear on them.
SylvarLorali 4
I'd be calling the police and having them removed. You are an adult and should be able to have your alone time as you see fit (within legal boundaries of course).