Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML
Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he started smoking again and had smoked almost a whole pack in 3 hours. We were on the phone and I was on the bus. He knew that was the perfect time time to tell me, because he knew I wouldn't yell in public. FML
Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML
Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I started to head back in, I saw a shadow move across my bedroom window. I live alone, so I waited outside and called the police. They came and investigated, only to drag my naked boyfriend out, where he promptly dumped me. I forgot our 2-year anniversary. FML
Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
LiveLaughFML 10
it's like being nice to the weird kid and then BOOM stalked for life!
hellojpg 0
Smoking killss
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (68)
arrowshockey18 2
I'd never give away my cigarettes. **** that
KiddNYC1O 22
You're 15, you will if you want to live past 25.
arrowshockey18 2
Only live once, might as well have fun.
KiddNYC1O 22
You sound like my coworker. He's 26, weighs like 110, been smoking for years and his teeth are ****** up.
arrowshockey18 2
Come slap me ****
illmatic2 16
86: Why do you want him to slap your cut?
arrowshockey18 2
Uhm two total different words...
illmatic2 16
********
mikeeg 0
Smokings gross...who smokes anymore...
belkinbra 12
Smole weed not cigarettes. YDI
belkinbra 12
*Smoke*
illmatic2 16
Or you can just not smoke at all.
marpay 11
Weed is expensive and does nothing for me. I'll stick to my e-cigs. None of the chemicals all of the nicotine.
arrowshockey18 2
TheIslands a pussy
ms_YoungMula 8
Lol you def living in a major city, cus that's were you only experience crazy shit like that
Bieberlover1oa2 2
Thats what you get foe giving a manna cigerette
BronyVasNormandy 12
Can't tell if trolling, or illiterate. Probably illiterate, taking the name "BieberLover" into account.
grattow96 0
Maybe he likes you
Btreasure 8
Well I personally think you deserved it because you never said you told him to go away. If someone following me I'd have bust a couple if caps.
marpay 11
Make sure you use the kill shot while you bust them caps.
PinkFun1969 9
nothing like a bud between friends. ;-)
Sienna420 4
Do weed instead.
stoneywoney 3
Too expensive. Trust meh!! ;)
jacob2raider 0
Ha I moderated this one
THE_A_TEEN 28
I find it hilarious when there is a smoking fml and there are people insulting the op for smoking cigs. like some self-rightious freaks, while theres a weed fml which dishes out all these supporters. HAR DEE ******* HAR HAR.
SteveTonyY 3
U mad bro?