Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML
Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he started smoking again and had smoked almost a whole pack in 3 hours. We were on the phone and I was on the bus. He knew that was the perfect time time to tell me, because he knew I wouldn't yell in public. FML
Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML
Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I started to head back in, I saw a shadow move across my bedroom window. I live alone, so I waited outside and called the police. They came and investigated, only to drag my naked boyfriend out, where he promptly dumped me. I forgot our 2-year anniversary. FML
Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
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Top comments
LiveLaughFML 10
it's like being nice to the weird kid and then BOOM stalked for life!
hellojpg 0
Smoking killss
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Comments (68)
jacob2raider 0
Pie anyone?
hannahcorrine 0
I feel like theres probably a story behind the cigarette part...
raggyone1 4
smoking kills and wow creepy kinda stalkerish
fmluserjessica 0
U stole "smoking kills". From another comment!
Salkadi 9
When you give a mouse a cookie....
missbeeeiych7 0
Do u work at Rdi telemArketing .
hannahcorrine 0
That sounds like a good day.
fuckkyeaaaalaura 12
FYL :p but I think it's funny (:
jjdominguez 0
Wow
mbrooks5110 0
Call the police.
fmluserjessica 0
911,yes, I have a guy who is trying to be my friend please arrest him.
mj_ok 9
You should of made a deal with him, give him a whole pack of cigarettes so he can get lost.