Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML
Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML
Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML
Today, my mom found a pack of cigarettes in my pocket. She hates smoking, so she tore every single cigarette to pieces, then emptied a bag of kitty litter on them. On my bed. FML
Today, my dad thought it would be funny to make me hold an unlit cigarette before FaceTiming my mom so he could prank her by saying, "He's got a new habit." My mom did not find it funny, especially when I mentioned to her that I did not willingly participate. Now I'm stuck in this car, listening to them argue. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, my mom found out about my brother smoking. She calmly discussed smoking with him. On the other hand, I got yelled at and made to do chores all day despite having a university exam, just because I knew about it but I didn't tell her, because I knew that I would get the short end of the stick. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
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Top comments
golden_warrior 23
I'm pretty sure you can tell a smoker from a non smoker. Just tell your mom to check his teeth
Welshite 40
Just tell your mom that you need your dad there for "support".
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Comments (94)
golden_warrior 23
I'm pretty sure you can tell a smoker from a non smoker. Just tell your mom to check his teeth
steffi90 13
not always. but fairplay to OP for taking the blame for his dad. see if your dad could come along too seeing as it should be for him anyway :)
slooby_fml 25
It depends on how long he had been smoking. It might not have been very long, in which case the yellow teeth and smoker's cough wouldn't have set in yet
NandaPanda 22
Not always a true given. I've smoked about a pack a day since 7th grade, and my teeth are still white (no, I do not use a tooth-whiting kit), and I don't have a smoker's cough either. I may just be an exception, but I'm positive I'm not the only one out there.
reapy 14
#15 you do know a "smokers cough" happens when a smoker quits, right? its all the chemicals and other nastiness leaving the system. unless someone's been a smoker for 20/30 years and, as such, have underlying health problems related to their smoking it shouldn't cause a persistent cough. the easiest way to know if someone smokes is if their clothes consistently smell of smoke, they could use deodorant after every cigarette, but its unlikely.
DocBastard 40
Reapy - Uh, no dear. A smoker's cough is a persistent cough that smokers get, usually after smoking for a long time. It has nothing to do with quitting. It has to do with paralysed cilia in the respiratory tract. Look it up. Very little pisses me off more than people who don't know a goddamned thing about medicine spreading medical misinformation.
Schizomaniac 24
Did you know you can prevent pregnancy by having the girl on top? It has to do with the nasty boy chemicals leaving the body before it can make her pregnant.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
You liar, 34! I got this chick pregnant taking your advice! Why!? Why would you tell me something like that!? I'm sending you the child support, pal. Goodbye, USA, here I come Mexico!
Enslaved 38
When I was a teen, my girl friend's dad used to ask to smell her fingers every time she came home. I didn't know why at the time? It was to see if she was holding a cigarette and smoking it. :P
Meettitan 14
They could do a blood test for tobacco on you and your father if you wanted objective proof.
TheCanucklehead 22
Ops dad is a problem, that they'll nevvvver solve. And noooooo matter what you can't take that from him...
jkmartinjk 16
They can do tests to check if you're a smoker, insurance companies do it before they give you life insurance. Or you could sit him in a glass room and see how long he lasts:)
False_Stupidity 42
It's fairly hard to get rid of the smell of cigarette smoke, it gets into everything, clothes, hair so it shouldn't be too hard for the OP's dad to be found out unless he goes to the trouble of changing/washing his clothes and has a shower after every smoke session. When I was encouraging my wife to give up the smokes she tried all kinds of tricks to hide the fact she had had one, but I always knew, even hours later just from the smell. Also it should be obvious to the therapist that OP isn't smoking and he/she could tell the OP's mum.
Welshite 40
Just tell your mom that you need your dad there for "support".
Allennis44 16
Not a bad idea
mFUNdo21 17
or time to blackmail the dad sarcasm
asb818 14
Tell your dad you won't rat him out as long as he takes you to do something fun during those 2 hours each weekend and ditch the actual appointment.
laxbrosive 4
or make a deal including that he stops smoking
slooby_fml 25
**** that. How immature is he that he can't even own up to what he did? It will probably come back to bite him in the ass in one way or another
gc327072 31
In the form of lung cancer.
SimplyBird 9
Amen. Karmas a bitch.
summerguy97 16
Wow. Perfect way to cover your ass: blame the kids.
abbyycarper 13
Tell your mom the truth she should believe you
AliSama 17
One hopes
breakinlegs 19
u don't have to tell the truth, take the blame and Ur dad will owe u one later
Enslaved 38
Mom can't handle the truth.
TwistedCherub1 15
I don't know. Teenagers lie to their parents a lot, in general (don't need the few good ones telling me not everyone does, I know every rule has exceptions). Most people would rather believe their spouse. But, being a smoker who has tried a few times to quit, if I knew my husband had been a smoker I'd know it was his stash. When quitting there are moments I'd kill everyone on Earth just to get a smoke. OP, if your dad ever does quit tell me how he did it.
mFUNdo21 17
associating a bad habit with pain can help. for example: my ex was a heavy smoker, so to help him quit I made him wear an elastic around his wrist and whenever he felt like smoking he'd snap the elastic to distract him from the craving
queerdragon 20
I am sure Op told her they were not his. She didn't believe him then, why would she believe him now? What I would do is tell your mom you want to go to the doctor's to get a chest x-ray to see if you "damaged" your lungs. Then tell the doctor what happened and have the x-ray as proof there is no damage to your lungs from smoke.
kinky44 28
Well, you just got smoked.
r4vleen 8
Terrible..
mybubbles2000 13
Pretty sure you're thinking. "Thanks Dad".
Shootermtd25 7
No shit Sherlock
Knightchaser27 25
I would be thinking about revenge
laaryssa 21
She would be able to tell I think your moms in denial
darwinism 30
Well, the only thing you can do now between therapy sessions is to help mum find "your dads" hidden stash of ****, condoms, vodka bottles, etc., right?
mohamed_H 21
Oh you got smoked